What’s Wrong With Wanting To Be Good At Something?
I always wanted to achieve something with my life. That was as far as the dream went really, the what I wanted to achieve changed monthly: vet, traveller, writer, designer, you name it, I wanted to do it at some point in my youth.
Life has taken me to many places, thrown some fantastic stuff at me and I now find myself settled down with a couple of kids and no career.
Not where I envisioned myself being but somewhere I feel happy nonetheless.
But that want to achieve has never gone. That drive to accomplish something is still there and at the moment is pointing towards something do-able with the kids around. Writing and blogging.
And yet I feel the need to hide my ambition, my desire to be successful. I feel guilty, furtive even, about wanting to be good at it. I don’t feel comfortable admitting that I want to excel. Why not? What is wrong with wanting to be good at something, with wanting to achieve? Why do I feel this way?
It goes against our very Britishness I think, that feeling of suspicion we have of anyone that does good. Unlike the Americans who seem very much able to pat each other on the back and congratulate, to enjoy others success, we Brits tend to feel wary, untrusting of someone that does well.
We prefer the underdog.
If someone starts to become successful we deem them as getting above their station. You ought to just be happy being what you are now, you shouldn’t try to improve, you shouldn’t try to better yourself or you position, your career, your money, your social standing. Anything.
Is it because people worry that with it comes change? That you’ll be different, you wont be you any more and therefore you wont be worthy of that trust and friendship?
I’ve seen it many times from the sidelines when someone speaks up about wanting to be successful, is seen to be striving to achieve something. Friends drift away, talk about them in secret, make snide remarks and dismiss them with a laugh.
‘What does she know anyway?’
‘Who the hell does she think she is?’
And if you achieve it, if you actually get there, you’re not supposed to be excited about it or even happy, understatement is key. You are not allowed to admit how hard it was, how much you worked for it, you have to just shrug and pretend like you don’t know how it happened because if you admit you tried to achieve it then it makes your success tainted somehow.
So my childhood dream of being successful has not gone, it’s just hidden. Hiding in fear of being judged, of being looked down upon, of losing me friends.
Because really, I don’t have many of you to lose in the first place.
I'm Heather, an ex expat, now back in blighty and living in Lancashire. Which is just like Lapland... only less snowy and stuff.
You go girl! You don’t have to be afraid of losing friends. Real friends will be happy for you.
We all have dreams and goals and want to achieve success and be really good at something. Yes am American but so what!
So speak up now and tell us your dream so we can encourage you!
Your type of spirit and desire to go for it, be the best, be a success is exactly what children at school need to be taught these days. Don’t just accept your ‘lot’, be competitive and do your best to be the best. You won’t lose real friends, you’ll probably find even more friends, and you will be happier for it. You go girl !
Yeah, who the hell do you think you are?!
I dont think I am trypically british in my attitude, I think it is great when people make a sucess of something. I think there is a northern issue with sucess more than a southern one through. Having been a northerner living down south for years
You’re totally right, people look at you odd when you suggest you might try and actually achieve something or better yourself in some way. It comes across that they think you’re living in the clouds and that you should ‘just get a job like everyonelse’ I’m totally over it. I think they worry about feeling inferior and that’s *their* problem not mine.
I inherited and carry the “can’t be arsed” gene. Life just seems to tire me out to be really good at anything. Except wearing my jammies and being knackered, I’d get an OLympic gold for them.
I’m Scottish – it’s culturally ingrained in me to cheer for the underdog
Actually you’re bang on here, career success seems to be about the only success women (and I think this is a female condition you are describing here) allow each other. Social success is particularly rife with jealousy and back-biting – I find avoiding altogether works for me…
I think that this culture of not being seen to want success is a fairly recent one. When I was growing up and going through the grammar school system we were encouraged to be the best we could ~ there were winners and losers. Nowadays schools cannot encourage competition ~ “we are all winners” ~ because the pc brigade don’t like it. Well guess what, real life is about trying to be the best you can be and making the most of what you have. Stay ambitious!!
We call it being ‘up yourself’ in NZ and no one ever wants to be that. I’ve noticed that I put people’s backs up over here when I talk about some of the stuff I’ve done. I don’t mean to. I’m not ‘up myself’, but it is a part of my life’s story and when you’re new somewhere you have this need to fill people in about where you’ve come from. I was raised to be very ambitious and come from a very competitive high-achieving family. It wasn’t until I was working that I came across the view that it was unfeminine to be ambitious, and yes I was talked about, put down and made to feel uncomfortable about my success. I want so much for my blogging/writing to be successful, as you do. I’m not going to apologise for that, and I don’t think you should either. You are very good at what you’re doing. Just look at what you’ve achieved with this blog in such a short space of time! Look how many comments you regularly get, and how much traffic etc etc. You’re a rising star Lapland! Don’t fight it, embrace it! Much encouraging hugs V xx
And yet throughout schools (I’ve worked in ‘em long enough) we’re constantly encouraging everyone to strive to be the best… What a nation of contradictions we are. You’re better off in Lapland. After all, no-one accuses Santa of being too big for his boots because of what he manages to achieve on Christmas Eve!
Totally know where you’re coming from, there’s very much a societal pressure to be successful yet not be overt about it as if it’s something to be slightly embarrassed about. Particularly if you’re female.
But you know what just go for it! Look at every successful person and they all have a certain passion and belief in what they are doing which seems to give them an invisible shield against caring about other people’s attitudes.
I’ve had the reverse experience, since I started my business so many of my amazing female friends have come to me to say that they have ideas of businesses or careers they’d like to do and they are going for it because they’ve seen me take a leap. It’s a case of feel the fear and do it anyway! – it may all go wromg but at least you’ve tried!
By the way I’d like to say I think you seem very successful, your website is amazing to look at with great content – I couldn’t do it! So there you go!
In the States we call it the American Dream…
Put your mind to it and you can achieve anything. I believe in you.
I understand where you are coming from. In fact I wrote a post only yesterday and it was inspired by my sister who turned 35 and questioned if she was “happy” and whether she was following her ‘passion’.
You shouldn’t be nervous posting this! I think a lot of people relate to this desire and this conflict, especially women. It’s seen as unreasonable to want to be good at something, to want to devote time to something – almost selfish. Celebrating achievement is seen as boastful or being ‘up yourself’.
Unfortunately a lot of this is a result of petty jealousy and resentment – again, especially by other women which makes me sad. I wish we could put our energy into creating an ethos where women celebrate each others’ achievement and recognise and applaud success rather than be forever tearing each other down.
All I would say though is that success, drive, ambition, needs to be tempered with a little humility sometimes (not you personally, just generally!). Being proud of our successes, aiming high, is wonderful but never if it puts other people down or belittles their own achievements in the process. Competition needs to remain friendly and mutually supportive – I will never be a fan of success at all costs or that is gained by trampling on other people.
I guess it’s a matter of integrity isn’t it? I want to be successful but I also want to be proud of how I got there. I guess that effects how I view other people’s success too.
x
Find out what you are best at, and be your best at it.
That’s our mantra here. It may have come out of a fortune cookie, but it does for us. x
Don’t hide your dreams, reach for the stars if that’s what you want,
real friends will always be there.
I have to say I think the American out look on life is so much better than the British stiff upper lip and all that crap.
B xxx
I agree with Susie. Real friends shouldn’t judge or feel jealous. They should be supportive and proud of your achievements. There’s no room in a real friendship for a negative emotion like jealousy (which is really all this is if they’re doing you down for your hopes and dreams).
So true, god forbid any British person mention the dirty word of ‘success’. It’s another on my list of the many, many reasons that I’d like to leave the UK. It drives me to distraction that people are looked down upon for achieving and striving to do better. It makes me really sad for future generations.
As others have said, loads of people – especially women – identify with this. The ones that aren’t brave enough to say it / strive for it / decide what ‘it’ is are jealous of the ones that go for it and then self-defence kicks in and the back biting starts. Real friends will be pleased for you, unreal friends are just wasting your time and getting in the way of achieving what you want… besides when you’re laying in bed breathing your last, what are the chances of looking back and thinking, ‘I wish I hadn’t gone and achieved so much, then I’d still be friends with xxxx, the back-biting bitch!’
It’s amazing how much easier it seems to be for Americans to embrace this. Even now, having read through all these wonderful comments i still feel a little uneasy. Perhaps this says more about me than society in general. i need to learn to believe in myself and trust and accept my ambitions more.
They aren’t bit right now. they are just about successful blogging and about some day in the future being able to make some money from my blogging and writing. i don’t know in what form yet, i have no concrete plans, just a drive to do well.
you are probably right, it is still nerve wracking though, admitting it like this. i half expect a huge drop in readers after this post. Maybe that says something more about me and my lack of trust and acceptance than it does about anyone else.
ha ha, who me? No-one. That’s for sure. Wouldn’t mind being someone one day though.
that is interesting. as a northerner that did live in the South for a few years i’m trying to think if i came across this difference – you know I think you may be onto something there…
I am in awe of your attitude – It’s one i want to have. i want to be over it and not worry about it. I think it’ll take a while though.
I go through stages of this, when I just give up, get sick of fighting it all and give in. I am determined not to do that this time. I need to stick at it if I want to succeed.
Avoidance is a good tactic. i like it!
that is interesting but you are definitely onto something there! the ‘we are all winners’ stuff is all well and good but what does it actually teach us?
thank you, this is exactly what I need to hear right now! i am trying to embrace it. i think a lot of this is about me rather than others. Probably they wouldnt be thinking these things but my own insecurities are fighting against me telling me they will. Will try to grow some backbone and embrace the whole thing rather than worrying about it!
I shall be cheering you on too my dear, i think you are fabulous and adore your writing!
We are (the Brits) bloody appalling at bringing down anyone who dares to be sucessful and doing ourselves down at the same time. We should be more back slapping and celebrate each others success instead of cursing it and being jealous.
We should really take a leaf out of the Amercians book in this sense as they have no problems with bettering themselves and being genuine about celebrating others success.
Well that’s very true, no-one does! We are a nation of contradictions us Brits. I hope it’s something I can beat and get passed. I’m sure after all these wonderfully encouraging comments, that i can. I was really worried about posting this, convinced that it would put people off reading my blog. Silly i guess.
you’re right of course. No-one ever become successful from secretly thinking about it did they? they all went out and did it. and really what is the worst that can happen? these are all things i need to repeat to myself over and over like a mantra. thank you for your kind words.
The American dream of a Brit in Lapland – has a certain ring to it! thank you.
Excellent, i shall come over and have a look.
Don’t be fooled, I’m still working on it
As women we do seem to spend far too much time tearing each other down – we do it over everything, especially child rearing with right and wrong ways. An ethos of support and help and celebration of others success sounds wonderful!
And i agree entirely, walking over people to get what you want is never good. Achieving something you are proud of via a means you are proud of – that is what success should be.
and a damn fine fortune cookie saying it is too! i love that mantra. I think i may adopt it.
Doesn’t it just! Thank you.
You are right of course. Real friends will always be there.
It is really sad, isn’t it. Looking at it as whole stepping away from my own personal situation it is so unfair and ridiculous and makes me so mad. Stepping back into my own situation it just makes me nervous. Argh, i need to get over myself and just get on with it.
ha ha such wise wise words! It’s true isn’t it? I am so thankful to people for these comments. i started posting this post this morning feeling nervous and worrying that people wouldn’t want to read my blog anymore if they realised I was trying to achieve a successful blog – which in itself should be the other way around, surely. But now after all these wonderful comments i am starting to see things differently. thank you.
I enjoy reading your work and I think you have a real talent for writing as well as for using the blog medium. Can I say that more easily because Im American?? Perhaps. But I also feel anxious about success. I feel like if I admit to striving toward a goal someone will tell me Im being silly. Is that because Ive lived in the UK for 20 years? Perhaps! I am fortunate to have a husband who is very supportive of my dreams and plans and can give valuable feedback rather than knockbacks. We were recently out with another couple, new friends, and I knew that she did some writing. I asked her how it was going, hoping for a potential writing buddy. Before she could answer her husband (who I thought was a really cool, interesting, nice guy) said ‘oh you mean that BOOK?’ She’ll never finish that.’ He was completely dismissive and instead of getting crossed she laughed and said ‘I know you’re probably right.’ Argh! So I of course became all American and stepped in with lots of moral support, but she seemed almost embarrassed that I did that. I realised my efforts were in vain so I stopped.
I digress. What are people in Finland like about this? I seem to remember my boyfriend’s family in Helsinki were very matter of fact about everything and if I wanted to do something they assumed I had done the research necessary and therefore supported my efforts.
I was applying for a great job one time and one of my ‘friends’ said I wasn’t good enough to get it. Guess what? I got it. I agree with everything you say, and it is hard to have people snigger at us, but at the end of it we have to live with ourselves and our decisions and only we know what is right for us. BTW, you are excelling at blogging
Jen.
See – look how successful this has been – you successful thing you!
Yay!
Oh my gosh, you reached into the depths of my conscience and plucked this out didn’t you:
you have to just shrug and pretend like you don’t know how it happened because if you admit you tried to achieve it then it makes your success tainted somehow.
You’ve expressed yourself tremendously in this post. I can thoroughly sympathise (having been raised by a Brit myself!), it’s quite ludicrous the amount of downplaying that goes into hiding one’s light under the proverbial bushel. But I hope I’m getting better at it *gulp*
(by the way, it’s me – Being Me from Sunny Side Up! Someone else has taken both those usernames so I’ve had to create another sign-in
You have hit the nail on the head with this one. I really don’t know why Brits in particular, like to build someone up and then knock them down and seem to resent success. Like Josie, I get upset by the petty rivalries that go on. I think Wife in the North wrote a post about the jealousy she got when she managed to get a book deal off the back of her blog and she still gets some anonymous commenter picking holes at her success. I don’t think there’s anything wrong in coming out and saying you want to succeed at something. And I really believe you will. You’re already doing it! I’m trying to work out exactly what I want to achieve with writing – publish a novel, make a proper living out of it, and am trying to work out small baby steps as to how I can achieve that.
It’s sad that you feel like this but I know what you mean about British attitudes to other people’s success. A lot of it is jealousy I think and they wish they were the ones experiencing the sense of achievement. I think you should go after whatever you want and try not to worry about others’ reactions. Chances are you’ll be surprised by their support and encouragement and you might inspire them to do something for themselves too.
A true friend would be happy for someone who achieved what they want to achieve. If someone behaves any differently, then they don’t deserve to call themselves a friend anyway.
Put people off? Far from it! I think you’ve provided a service to people in permitting discussion. Besides, you’ve posted MUCH worse…. ; )
Any friend who won’t back you up, support you and urge you on isn’t worth having as a friend anyway. I’m constantly setting myself goals – whether it be completing a uni degree or writing a novel (both of which I achieved last year) – and really think it keeps me both sane and healthy to be striving for something. We all need a bit of me time, something solely for us. Don’t feel bad about it. Feel the fear (as they say) and do it anyway.
I would generally describe myself as a ‘high-achiever’ (*groan*) and give myself a hard time if I’m not doing well at something. In fact, I often give up if I think I’m failing. My mum always tells me about how, if I was losing a race in sports day when I was little, I’d stage a dramatic injury so I didn’t have to finish. Now that’s a fear of failure if ever I heard one!
I agree with Susie speak up and tell someone your dreams, we need to embrace them more. As a friend always says the world wont end if you say so go on even if its just a whisper! xxx
Spot on! Really. You are not alone. Us Canadians are more like the English than the Americans. We’re sort of this bipolar inbetween, actually. We’re told me MUST do something with our lives, but also we mustn’t get “stuck up” or think we’re better than everyone else.
Let me reveal a financial secret. I make $30 a column from my parenting columns. I’m only published in one paper thus far. So that’s $30/week. Almost pays for the milk and bread for a week!
And yet, since I’ve started being published I’ve heard all kinds of comments. Fully 2/3 of them are incredibly positive, but the other 1/3 are along the lines of “who do you think you are?” and “I could do that better than you if I wanted?” and “you’re a nasty horrible parent and I’m better than you.”
It’s just jealousy plain and simple. For some reason, Canadians and Brits are raised to feel that they shouldn’t encourage negative feelings in others while American’s are raised with the attitude that “that’s their problem and not mine.” Holding back your successes and ambitions starts when we’re in grade school – I can remember being called “stuck up” in Kindergarten because I could count to a hundred rather than just 10. Even the teacher had something to say about people thinking they’re better than others. And I wasn’t bragging, I was just counting! I remember too, when asked to draw pictures of what we want to be when we grow up that I’d draw a doctor (what I really wanted to be) and a teacher or ballerina (what everyone else wanted) just to make sure no one thought I was being uppity.
I think, really, you’re already a success. Perhaps you’re not welthy as a result of your writing, but look how many people read your blog, comment on it, what discussion you inspire, how you inspire other bloggers (you’ve certainly done so for me).
So everyone, what do you say? Big round of applause for Heather! And more successes to come!
I think you have achieved an awful lot, you say you haven’t been blogging for a long time but you are extremely successful, even if it isn’t a career.
It wouldn’t be natural if we didn’t have a burning desire to be somebody. I know someone who this happened to; he became successful in his field, made some money (not lots but enough to make him happy) and all the time, people were talking about him behind his back, saying how he thought he was better than everyone else and “who does he think he is”. I was guilty of asking that question once too because I noticed how as soon as he had become successful, he would belittle people, talk down to them, including me on some occasions. Unfortunately, he left the company and moved away and our friendship came to an end. But I did hear months later, that his wife had left him because she found him in bed with another woman during his lunch break. Hmmm, not so successful perhaps.
You’re lovely just the way you are. CJ xx
Once again you have attracted so many comments from your fans – including me, so stop worrying about it and get on with your writing – there is success to be had in the big wide world if you want it enough, and have the talent (which you have). True friends will celebrate your success, so don’t hide your light under a bushel. Thanks for supporting my blog, too. Now go – chase your dreams. I am still chasing mine, as far as writing is concerned – novel finished and no agent, bah! – and I’m a lot older than you, so go for it while you are young!
SNAP!! I couldn’t have agreed more with you and to add the insecurity of not being able to shout it out just adds to the crumbling confidence. I think one of my problems is – Say I don’t become as successful as I vision? People will laugh at me and point and say. I told you so.
Maybe it’s just the flip side to longing for something so cherished?
I think you should do you want to do, be who you want to be and stuff everyone else. Coming from someone who is constantly worrying about what other people think. I work in IT which is prodomently a male environment, I am the manager here which makes it harder but you have to be confident and stand by your decisions. xxx
I’ve started telling people I want to be a writer, but in an embarrassed, self deprecating, if I don’t make any money it doesn’t matter kind of way. What is wrong with us?
PS I used to want to be a vet too!
PPS You’re not going to lose my friendship…
You’re right, it does seem that if you achieve something it’s down to luck. Doesn’t seem fair really.
Fuck ‘em! I don’t have time to care anymore. I want an eco mansion, housekeeper, garden. I am sick of picking up after folk and the only way to achieve these dreams is to earn some moolah! Time waits for no man. Carpe Diem – I echo your sentiments wholeheartedly but you can’t care what other people think, they will just hold you back. Let your mind and ambition soar like an eagle – live with boundless enthusiasm, enjoy everyday and reach out for what you want. What are you waiting for – live is for living. If you want to be successful then be successful – fuck ‘em all!!! Don’t worry about it – get on with it!!!
I agree wholeheartedly! It just makes us nothing but petty fools.
When I’ve told people here that i am writing a book they generally are accepting and like you say, assume that you know what you are doing and let you get on with it. there is still an element of cattiness that i have witnessed but being in a foreign language and with different social etiquette rules I’m not sure about quite what it is exactly.
No way! Your friend said that? That’s awful! You’re right of course, it is ourselves we have to live with, will we be able to do that happily if we don’t try to succeed?
And thank you. Very kind of you to say so.
I did, i did, i reached right in and pulled it out! it’s good to hear that it isn’t just me that thinks these things then.
It is ridiculous isn’t it. But yeah, a lot easier said than done.
How rude of them to take your name!
“Let the beauty of what you love be what you do” Rumi – this quote has influenced me so much. You go and be fantastic at whatever it is you really want to do. Real friends will always be there for you (yes they might initially be a little green eyed, but if they are true friends they will get over it!), “it’s all about the confidence!!” as Gok might say.Go for it. you only get one life x
There is an awful lot of building up just to knock down goes on, enough is enough. Let’s refuse to do it any more, refuse to get involved the next time someone tries to take a swipe.
It is horrible to think that people were attacking Wife In the North purely because she got noticed and they didn’t. it’s not her fault they didn’t get noticed. Sometimes people make me so sad.
I know what you mean about trying to work it all out, I’m trying to work it all out myself. All i know is that i want to do it somehow but am just not sure which how.
Well if this comments section is anything to go by i will be very happily surprised. i’m over whelmed by the amount of people being encouraging, really. Thank you.
Very true, Rebecca, very true indeed!
It’s true that the more successful you are the faster you discover who your real friends are – I’ve encountered a lot of jealousy in women’s mags and it ain’t pretty (unlike me, of course). I don’t think there’s anything wrong at all with wanting to strive for success and I think it’s important to encourage children to be the best they can be. But I think it’s also important to be realistic because failure as a result of unrealistic expectations can be very damaging.
Awww, great post! And, you go for it girl, whatever it may be!!
Thank you, yes this is a good idea. I like goals. Easy ones to manage, to take me a step closer. and you’re right of course, friends stay with you.
That is a fear indeed! although you have me wondering if this isn’t half of my problem…
Very true! thank you.
Really, people have been saying things like that? It’s just not fair is it? I’m sorry you’ve had to go through that. That’s the fear that’s stopping me, but then I also don’t know why i care what those people think.
thank you for your kind words. I guess when you look at it like that then yes, this blog is a success – it has some wonderful readers who are all kind enough to comment and join in which is really important to me. Thank you!
I think it can go to peoples heads – we see it so much with the newest big brother contestants and such like, but it’s always a shame when it does and based on that i can understand why people get suspicious when success is achieved. After all it does do strange things to some people. although lets face here, we are talking about a blog, I doubt it will launch anybody to stardom, but i do want to succeed, work hard, feel like i am doing something – i guess thats a big things as well, feeling as though i am doing something, i’m no good at doing nothing. Anyway, i’m, rambling.
Thank you.
Fans – argh what a word. can we agree to call them friends? i equal issues with the use of the word follower on Twitter and stuff as well. Disturbs me no end.
And thank you, you are right, stop worrying about everyone else thinks and just get on and do it. right, point taken. will stop being silly. Or at least I’ll try – is that okay?
i know precisely what you mean! These are demons I wrestle with too. what if, what if. I guess we just have to trust ourselves and go for it.
wise words my dear, and ones I completely agree with. always easier said than done but i am going to try and ignore those stupid worries and just do it. Wow, what an enormous amount of support on here. i feel quite bowled over!
we are silly, just silly! we need taking outside and giving a firm talking to.. and thank you, it’s really good to hear.
It’s not is it? Why should we feel the need to pretend and hide our hard work?
that was a pep talk and a half! I think I need to print that out and stick it to my computer screen!
i love that quote. A reminder to keep it true as well, not just go grabbing but do it and do it well and with integrity. thank you.
That’s a very good point. no point encouraging someone to jump off a mountain because they think they can fly!
It is so sad that you have had to endure this bitchiness though, this jealously. I wonder how rampant this is over in the states where they are more encouraging. Is it just better hidden or genuinely not there?
thank you my dear. i shall try.
I do want to say that my attitude now is less about being American than about wisdom gained from learning about myself over the years and becoming more confident in my self.
Sure, your upbringing does influence you, but the minute you start believing in yourself and that you can do things, that you are good at things and you start setting yourself goals-the sky is the limit.
I want to be able to make a living doing something I love and something that makes a difference in this world. I am not ashamed to say that aloud (now). Once I would have been quieter and less sure about expressing that out loud.
Dream big, do something about your dreams and all will be well in the world.
I do get what you mean, sometimes if you show that you have ambition people look at you as if you have no right or “yeah right of course you will make it” and others just nod and the change the subject. It’s hard in the sense that of course you want to shout about what you want to achieve, but some people can’t take that. But true friends will stand an d encourage, and offer support when needed. xx
Anyone who would look down on you for your dreams and aspirations isn’t a real friend. Real friends support each other unconditionally. I look at it as a way to weed out those who are poisonous to our lives. You do whatever it is that makes you happy, it doesn’t matter what the naysayers think, you’re better off without those. I’ll bet I can speak for any reader when I say that you’ll only find encouragement here.
Thank you Susie! i think you are right, it’s no good pigeon holing yourself as one thing or another, you simply need to believe in yourself and get on with it! and I agree with you about wanting to do something you love for a living – why shouldn’t we dare to dream, dare to achieve?
You are right, true friends will. thank you. It is so wonderful being able to write this, even though it frightened me and receive all these wonderful comments in return. You are all wonderful people.
Finally! You see now you get it.
So you go girl!!!!!!!!!! Am here to cheer you on!
thank you. Wise words indeed! It is an opportunity to see who is real and who isn’t it in your life.
Ooh this is our current topic over at Pond Parleys (dot blogspot). I didn’t get published till I was over 40 so there’s nothing wrong with keeping a dream alive! Go for it – whatever “it” is.
I could have written this post, up until the point where you said about wanting to hide your ambition. I’ve never wanted to hide mine. I agree – Brits prefer the underdog to the achiever. It is strange. Though perhaps that’s true not just of the UK but everywhere -no one likes a bragger. There’s a lot of envy in the world, and I think people prefer other people that don’t make them feel less successful. Okay now I’m rambling… I’ve had way too much coffee and way too little sleep…
thank you, I will. i think. ha. I’m so shit, i can’t even commit to that
without feeling sheepish. I need to find me some backbone!
I know what you mean though, it simply highlights our own failings or lack
of going for it, maybe that’s why we aren’t so comfortable with it.
will you be waving pom poms?
Heather, just go for it. Be bold and be brave.
I don’t see any problem whatsoever in wanting to be good at something. I wasn’t aware that others may view this differently. So I’ll lay it right out there – I want to do well in life, I want to be successful, I want a better life than the one I have now so I’m working towards it and I won’t give up. I’m ambitious and I’m driven. I don’t see a problem with that. So you go girl, we only get one life, seize it with both hands.
Eek!! In the immortal words of the Lion King DVD ‘It is time!’ I just don’t
think we can afford to be held back by our Britishness anymore. You are a
talented writer, explorer and women – you absolutely should celebrate that
and their is nothing wrong with ambition and wanting success. In fact I
think once you have found a soul mate, had kids many think that their life’s
work is achieved but the reality is that you always need a vision and
destiny – life doesn’t stop just because you have squeezed out some puppies.
Dare to dream. xxx
I still haven’t given up my dream of being a pop star/general celebrity, though now I am in my 30′s with 2 kids it might be time to let go…
Never say never, get yourself on one of those x factor britains got talent
shows and wow us!
25.2.2010 23.48 Disqus <>:
You are clearly a successful blogger. So I’d say you are already successful. It’s just how we measure success these days. The expectations are so high. Especially for women. We have to be everything and it’s never enough. When you look back on your life what will you remember? You’re achievements? Or the love and the laughter. Have fun with whatever makes you happy and the rest will fall in to place. (God I sound like a hallmark card lol)
You’re right hon. I think we Brits can be a bit quick to knock people down and we certainly love an underdog. I suppose the way to look at it is that if you achieve the success you want, your real friends will be there all the way, and if you don’t, all you come crashing down again with a bump, they’ll still be there.
Loved seeing you in Dan’s video gorgeous. Nice to put a face to a name. It looks a bit chilly where you are.
That is interesting, you think success is measured differently these days? You could be right…umm…something to think on. and I agree it is the love and laughter you will look back on but also the things you wished you had done will feature there I think (or at least they probably will for me) and I don’t want too many of those.
Very true! It really isn’t healthy to worry what the non friends think as long as you do things in a way you are proud of.
the video was fab wasn’t it? I loved your bit, very funny and well done, and yeah so cool to see people. It was cool to be asked to join in.
I can totally relate. It is like you took a peek at my brain! I believe that as soon as we become a mom, at that instant, we are granted the gift of feeling guilty. As a Mexican, I was raised to believe that I should be “content” and feeling fullfilled is not even an option! “just be happy, to have a family” and nothing else!!! what!! I became restless. sorry for ranting..I am so happy that there is someone else out there that I can relate to…alas I am NOT crazy! (well maybe a bit!)
perhaps we are all just crazy together!? There is a very similar thing here
in Finland – although that could just be because i live in a little tiny
country place, but the idea of being a mother is supposed to be enough, or
its certainly the impression people give of. i love my kids but boy do they
bore me at times. Lego just isn’t THAT much fun, you know? i need
something more to stimulate my brain and to stoke my fires.
Come to America! As you say, they love it when people pursue their dreams, and they love it even more when people achieve them. I think that’s healthy. Celebrate achievement, don’t denigrate it.
it is a much healthier way to be i think. much healthier. I am starting to
adjust my attitude and thinking to that way, slowly but surely I will get
there
I think this is something that we mother’s do. We are so into putting other’s first and rejoicing in their accomplishments that we feel bad doing it with ourselves. We need to stop and be proud of ourselves too b/c how else will our children.
that’s a very good point actually. If our children see us always putting ourselves down and hiding ambition, what does that teach them?