Real Identity
My name is not really Heather and I don’t really live in Lapland.
I can’t tell you how good it feels to have got that out.
My name is Sarah, I am a 52 year old recluse living in Milton Keynes.
I haven’t left my house in 3 years.
I sit each day, dressed in these same grey baggy leggings and this blue t-shirt in front of my computer, the sunlight trying to poke through the gap in the middle of my curtains making the dust sparkle in that thin shaft of light. Much like the snow that ‘Heather’ has in her garden.
But that’s not something I will ever see.
I will only ever get to see the inside of these four walls, to sit here biting my nails until they bleed each day.
The delivery man from Tesco’s is due soon. He comes once a week. Only he doesn’t, it’s not always the same man, I rarely see the same one twice and I don’t like things like that, it sets my nerves on edge. I like things the same, that’s why I don’t go out. That’s why already, half way down this post, I am shaking with fear of the unknown. With fear of what you will all say.
My finger nails are bleeding so badly I have blood all over my keyboard.
Why am I outing myself to you now?
I feel guilty, having arranged a meet up that I can never go to, can not attend because
a. I am not ‘Heather. You would guess it straight away, I could never be as confident as she is.
b. I can’t leave my house. I can’t leave it because the outside world is filled with things and people I can not control, things that make my breath catch and my hands tremble just getting close to the front door.
This life on the computer, this life as Heather is the only one I can live.
Which of course is complete and utter bollocks, I am really Heather, honest. But it could be true, couldn’t it? I could easily be anyone but Heather. Sat protected and hidden behind our computer screens we could be anyone we wanted, live any life, have any personality or history we choose.
I could be Kevin, a sexually repressed, middle aged man still living with his dominating mother, who likes to strangle kittens in his spare time.
Or Olga, a retired trapeze artist and prostitute who sits hunched over her computer, working her way through 60 cigarettes a day, hacking and choking, resting the cigarette on the keyboard as she types on increasingly chared and melted keys.
Or I could really be Heather, a mother of two from Rochdale now living in Lapland with an overactive imagination and too much time on her hands.
Makes you wonder, huh?
Are all these bloggers really who they say they are?
Do they really live the lives they write about?
Scary stuff.
I'm Heather, an ex expat, now back in blighty and living in Lancashire. Which is just like Lapland... only less snowy and stuff.
Intriguingly, though, I once wrote a short-story about an ex-pat detective
woman. I started out thinking she’d be a Miss Marple figure, sitting
unobtrusively on her front porch watching the world go by, and quietly
making brilliant deductions. She turned out to be a glamorous, high-living,
high-level political pr consultant, who used her detective work to spy on
and steal another woman’s husband.
I think the whole “blog persona” question is fascinating. I do wonder if
it’s a bit disfunctional, that you create a self to meet other selves. But
then, we kind of do that all the time in real life anyway, don’t we? So I
conclude that it’s ok…
I read somewhere that the average teenager (it’s always teenagers’ fault,
isn’t it?) spends more time on the appearance of their Facebook or My Space
page than on their own physical appearance.
it would be lovely to meet you…but if you really don’t feel comfortable
with it, don’t pressure yourself – if you know what i mean.
Perhaps the technology has got so clever that you can programme your online
identity do its own primping up.
ha, maybe! lol
maybe that’s where I’ve been doing all my vlogs from!
Nope, i just ship in tonnes and tonnes of snow for all my vlogs! lol, can
you imagine?!
I think most bloggers are who they say they are – the effort involved in
keeping up the pretence would be monumental! no way i could be arsed with
that!
What May meet up? I am not invited? Boo-hoo! ;-(
So who’s the crazy lady in the vlogs…?
Good points, it does make you wonder. When I went to meet a blogger last autumn, my daughter said ‘what if she’s a cyber bully?’ It was sweet, but she needn’t fear on this one.
eek! I really do live near MK so, y’know we could almost be neighbours
It’s a very good point, how close do we come to our screen personas? I know that come the meet up, I’ll be the one sitting in the corner silently, unable to think of a single interesting thing to say because my mouth just doesn’t work as well as my fingers (innuendo unintended 
). I’m sure there are those who play a role on t’internet, for whatever reason, but I’ve actually become a lot more trusting the more time I’ve spent there….sooner or later those who aren’t authentic will trip themselves up, but just in case I might bring pepper spray! xx
Or a 54 year old unshaven bloke with a thing for trains and noting down numbers…
Interersting post! I tend to think of myself as being quite savvy online but I have never once questioned the identity of those that blog.
Lol, great post and if was possible I’d love to meet up with someone with such a great imagination.
Does make you wonder though doesn’t it? Are people really who they say they are, are the friends you’ve made online as nice as they make themselves out to be? These are questions I ask myself quite frequently, doesn’t stop me making friends on here though, although if someone had told me 18 months ago that I would be sat here on a daily basis talking to people I din’t know, I’d of laughed in their face.
Beki xxx
Oi! Leave off Kevin, that’s my bookclub http://londoncitymum.blogspot.com/2010/02/kevins-latest-appearance.html
LCM x
I use an alias on the internet. I have since I had a very dangerous internet stalker back in 1999. It’s safer. I don’t use my real name, here. Probably never will. The internet is not a safe and secure zone. So, people may very well not be who they say they are. I don’t use my childrens’ names or my husbands name online either. All have aliases, here. I am really female, really live in Texas, and really have all the things I claim to. I’m really a pagan(which is what my blog is about), I’m really 38 and I’m really a shut in. And I really have an 18 yr old handicapped child.
I think you can tell the sincerity of a person based on their stories. Are they totally way out there? Or are they just normal people with normal stories? In the last 11 years, I’ve become better at reading people. Even online. But, everyone should still be cautious, I believe that.
I may not be me either! Great blog post!
In think it is the people who do the nasty comments that I have far more to fear about. I have a choice to read your stuff, to meet you and all that sort of thing.
The people who do the stalking, are so small and have no real life of their own that they create a petty online persona and bully people. Say nasty things about them and try and make them feel terrible.
Okay time to confess. I’m not Lottie and I’m not a mother. I’m not even a woman. Actually I’m not entirely sure I’m human. I hate wine, dogs and chocolate and absolutely do not have a die-hard-and-won’t-fuck-off-squirrel living in my loft. My really name is Jeremy. I usually live on the plant Zorg but thought I’d impersonate a mother on the edge of madness and infiltrate the blogging world. I will be at Cyber Mummy but might be easy to spot because I’ve got one three eyes, one leg and fourteen arms…
Sadly I have come across ‘trolls’ as tehir known on communities and forums and I ahve always asked myself WHY? What kick do they get? And not surprisingly they always trip themselves up sooner or later because they forget some trivial remark made yonks ago that comes back to unravel their whole plot.
Nice thought provoking post as usual – nutter!
Lady Marion
Absolutely do not want to withdraw meeting up! Pleased that you won’t have to spend quite so much mnoey on getting t Reading!
Lovely post!
I’m actually a Russian spy. I’ve been watching you all with great interest.
Heather, seems to me like you’ve got the beginnings of a really great novel here.
Interesting post. I’ve often wondered that myself. I remember writing a comment to someone saying, in fact, I wasn’t Dumdad, married to a Frenchwoman and father of two kids but an old perv loser living in a bedsit in Clacton. Or something like that.
I gave out very little info re family when I first started blogging but I’ve relaxed that more and more as I’ve got to know the bloggers who comment. (Fingers crossed!)
Of course, a blog would be a perfect way to present an imaginary personna. I mean, take your blog: a woman from Rochdale living in Lapland? Incroyable! I think you’re playing a double game: your name really is Sarah, a 52 year old recluse living in Milton Keynes.
The blogosphere has been warned….
oooh you nearly had me there!! I was reading it thinking, “Bloody hell, she went to an awful lot of trouble shipping in all that snow for her vlog!”
I’m actually a bearded overweight geeky guy who likes sci-fi and spends to much time on computer.
I am laughing already. Will you be needing a manicure perchance?
I’ve met a couple of online people in real life recently and each time my mum is convinced I’ll be faced with a middle-aged paedophile from Rotherham…
Okay, I confess, Posh Totty is not my real name
I love it. Funny especially when I reflect on our conversation last night. Did I ever tell you about the guy ‘Creepy’ who I met online dating. I thought he was being ironic. When I met him I realised he wasn’t, he was actually Frankenstein’s cousin. And to think he’d been chatting flirtatiously about the contents of my lingerie drawer!
Hmm, as Trish has pointed out, where did you get all that snow from?
I’ve always thought that Iota was rather nicer than me. For a start, she always has time to think before speaking, which, let’s face it, is the downfall of many of us. She is funnier, cleverer, more thoughtful and just generally nicer than her creator.
Which is interesting, though. Because if I’d set out to create an alter ego, she’d be punchy, assertive, contraversial, feisty, and not really care what anyone thought of her.
You see why we need an alternative conference…?
Definitely but will take a rain check on the pedicure…beauticians get a bit grossed out by the noses on the end of my toes…
I have no kids, just like banging on about what life might be like with them. Jesus, I’d never actually have them after all I’ve written. Makes me tired thinking about it.
So what meet up eh? Clearly I’m NFI…
I wonder if we are thinking of the same people? Never really got over the July 08 stuff – my first experience of anything like that
I know this sounds silly but sometimes I wish I WAS someone different from the person I blog as! Someone more together and who knew what the hell they were doing.
But alas, I am me in my entirety, every last hopeless bit of me! And enough people have met me now to have annoyingly confirmed it
And you, lady, can’t put me off that easily. Can’t wait to see you x
…yes, I was. Scary moments as I had been fooled completely. I was quite sad after as if I’d lost a friend seeing as ‘they’ had been on there from the beginning. It’s making me wonder if I give away too much on my blog too. ie girls names etc?
I used to wonder but since it doesn’t matter much I just let people whoever they want. I never ask for pics or ask for proof. My memory sucks so bad I’m scared to lie because I’m afraid I’ll mess it up the next time!
How do you know my identity? How do you know that I’m actually Sarah and I’m a 52 year old recluse living In Milton Keynes? You can’t be claim to be me too.
You don’t really know who anyone is until you meet them in person. All the more reason for a meet up!
I *could* tell you who i really am… but then I’d have to kill you.
It could be an interesting story…of course I’d have to finish the one i’m 3/4 of the way though first. sigh.
No? Really?
Everyone is invited! Read this http://notesfromlapland.blogspot.com/2010/03/may-meet-up-anyone.html
xx
aww bless her!
I know, i can see into your bedroom from here mwaaahhh haaa hhhaaa!
We could all bring our laptops and tweet each other all night! lol
is that you outing yourself there?
the idea of it is far to scary really. Although i don’t see how anyone could keep the pretence up, it would be exhausting
Yes, I knew you had net curtains and were trying to trick me! you can’t get one past me. I suspect all of your followers are creations by you and I am the only real person out here talking to you! but it is better than talking to myself (and answering myself – first sign of madness)… you are there? of course she is. yappy
to be honest you’re probably as likely to get the truth as you are in real life – apart form the obvious stuff like sex and age, anyone can hide anything i guess.
Are you coming to the May meet up in reading?
You didn’t know Vic was short for Victor?!
that Kevin, he gets around, eh?
*shudder* that sounds awful! an internet stalker? Eeek!
I think it can be wise to protect names on the internet – not that i do really (well, I don’t mention my kids names or my husbands)
thank you my dear, and so who are you really?
So THATS why you started the vlogging challenges
:D:D Jen
Give me Olga! I want to meet Olga she sounds great and I’d like to invite her to a special party I am having.
But seriously, if it wasn’t for your wonderful vlogs you may have had me going for a second. I’m glad that you are Heather. Very glad indeed. As for me, my real identity is Lord Edmund Blackadder but the onlu other person who knows that is my doctor…
Okay, I admit, I’m not really a working mum, I’m a lady who lunches. I drop off daughter in the morning, go to the gym, meet friends for lunch and then go shopping for nothing in particular.
I wish…….
Haha, funny I was only discussing the other day how you really don’t ever have to leave your house if you don’t want to.
Wouldn’t it be great to do that though….invent a life…a persona. I’m too honest to do that even though I’m a purple haired cartoon really ;0)
What a good post! I think thats why as much as we relate to these people we meet online we are all to aware that are we all really who we say we are?
Are you really 3/4 of the way through writing a book?? *shoves Heather… if that is really her name after all* ME TOO! No way!
You scared me a little for a moment there, to be honest. I was like “Ok so I don’t really think this chick lives in Milton Keynes but…. damn she COULD be anywhere and anyone.” It’s something I all too often take for granted (that people are who/what they say they are) because I’m so honest myself on my blog, etc.
It is interesting isn’t it? I have been involved with online “stuff” for years. I used to moderate a forum and chats for Microsoft many years ago. I learnt then that people are not always what they seem so very aware of it these days. In my first days of Twitter I had an experience with a few other genuine Twitter pals of someone who was most definitely not what they were presenting. Fortunately nothing was shared other than support (a huge amount of it) but I never forget.
Yeah it was quite an unusual situation. I was fairly new to the internet, then. Only about a year online. I had a yahoo profile that listed my first name, last name, all my kids’ names, phone number, address. You name it. I started getting contacted by people from my area, which in and of itself wasn’t a bad thing. One of them was a guy that I talked to quite frequently. He developed an obsession with me and was very upset when I would not leave my fiancee’ at the time and date him. I didn’t know it because he’d lied, but he only lived 35 miles away from us. He had originally claimed he was over an hour away. He ended up getting my fiancee’ fired from the police department he was on due to calling 500 times a day to every office in the building demanding that people listen to him that I had been seeing him secretly. He drove by our house at all hours of the night, threw a brick through the front window and eventually ended up getting picked for vandalism. We left the area immediately and I went underground on the net. I’ve been Laci Rich ever since. She’s sort of an alter ego, now, part of who I am.
When I think back at the danger my kids were in with it, I shudder at my own stupidity. But, back then I really did believe the internet was a playground.
You’ve got me totally wondering. I’ve been and looked in the mirror twice and I look like me, so I’m guessing I am really me but now I’m wondering if I’m really a bearded overweight geeky guy who likes sci-fi and spends too much time on the computer – euuuuuuw creepy thought!
Well, that was interesting. Very provocative and thought provoking.
I’d love to be an ex-trapeze artist, but sadly I’m a mother of three and soon to be ex-employee… Real life really is dull sometimes isn’t it?!
i wish i was the baby who brunches. he’s definitely so much more cool than me. man, he can rock a look!
those people confuse me, I just don’t understand what they get out of it.
Jeremy? that’s an unusual name for planet Zorg, isn’t it?
ewww, you must have to keep your feet really clean!
I guess keeping it up on a blog would be way a lot of hard work, huh? Having to remember everything and not trip yourself up.
so now I am intrigued – what is this July 08 incident you speak of?
ha ha ha!
But good to hear.
you can’t say i didn’t warn you all, huh?
I don’t know if it would be really do-able. There would be so much to remember, to get straight and keep the same. easy to do when it’s your own life but when it’s a fictional one? I’m not sure. Would take a lot of energy…
ha ha ha, yeah, the snow would have been a lot of work, huh?
It’s not?
Oh.My.God!
Always from Rotherham? lol
ha ha ha! you attract freaks and wierdos almost as much as I do!
That would have been quite some job, huh?
Do you know, i was thinking the exact same thing! If I were to create an alter ego, I would be kick ass awesome! instead, without meaning to, I’ve just ended up with a nicer, more thoughtful and polished version of myself. Heather mark II
ha ha ha.
NFI? have been running through possible acronyms in my head…and come up Not Fucking Invited?
But you are! Everyone is! Read here and let me know if you want to come too.
http://notesfromlapland.blogspot.com/2010/03/may-meet-up-anyone.html
It’s like Iota was saying above, if you had to choose an alter ego, chances are you wouldn’t choose the person you have become online but some pone much more kickass.
I think being someone different would be so hard though, even if it was just a ‘better’ version of yourself – so much effort must go into the pretence
nah, i guess you’re right – it doesn’t matter that much really. I think i would be the same, I’d be forever getting things wrong and muddled up.
Hey don’t you go around pretending to be me impersonating you, impersonating me… no wait…no, i’m confused.
Are you coming to the May meet up my love? would be great to meet you
ha ha ha, how did you guess? It takes me hours to write all these comments, and then of course all their blogs, and all the blogs of their followers. It’s not surprising i’m going mad, huh?
But first you would have to find out who i really am and track me down…mwaahh haaa haaa
lol, yeah, that would kinda let the cat outa the bag, huh?
ha ha ha, how did you guess? It takes me hours to write all these comments, and then of course all their blogs, and all the blogs of their followers. It’s not surprising i’m going mad, huh?
Olga will be round at 8pm sharp. be gentle wit her, her hips aren’t what they used to be.
Do you know, completely off topic, i have a bit of a crush on Edmund.
Olga will be round at 8pm sharp. be gentle wit her, her hips aren’t what they used to be.
Do you know, completely off topic, i have a bit of a crush on Edmund.
all that and you still find time to blog? amazing!
you really could do that these days with little inconvenience, huh? everything can be delivered. well not here, here internet shopping is like some crazy science fiction thing. but you know, in the rest of civilisation…
It would be so hard to concoct another life, i think, so hard that yes, I trust that people are who they say they are. Well, at least until i meet them…lol
to be honest this has been more of an issue for me in real life than online. I have been duped by people, not fake ID’s and such but people turning out to be liars, all the stories and things about their lives turning out to be false or really twisted.
And yes, I am 3/4 of the way through but haven’t done any work on it for months now. really must pull my finger out.
I have met in real life and online people pretending situation for attention. It is one of the most irritating things because I always want to help people if i can but these people suck so much time and it’s all for nowt – just because they are feeling a bit lonely or something. Grrrr
have you checked the name in your underwear?
Thank you Neal, one aims to please, you know?
i don’t think I’ve seen you here before…welcome
ha ha ha
I think an ex-trapeze artist would have some interesting stories to tell
I vote for Olga.
If only I looked half as good in doublet and hose…
Is this where I admit that I’m actually not Adrenalynn, the famous porn star, and that when you google her and get me instead you might get somewhat disappointed.
Ooooh I am a 63 year old lady, dressed constantly in purple, with a cigarette in a holder that I never smoke, I eat only dessert and sing out loud in public places
Hmmm, makes you think, doesn’t it? PS I am really me. Sadly. Sometimes I’d rather be Kate Moss. Or Mae West (gotta love those sarky one liners). Or Sarah Jessica Parker. But mostly I like being me. Which is a relief. As that’s my only choice, really.
It’s really interesting, something I think about a lot. I’m slightly put off meeting people incase they’re not like I imagine them or it somehow alters your relationship. I’m definitely shyer in real life than on twitter. On twitter I’m how I am with my really close friends and family, not how I am with people I don’t know so well. Having said that, I’d love to meet up with you, because I DO think we’d get on, but big nights out with lots of people I don’t know aren’t really my thing. Which is why I haven’t commented on your meet up post. I’m still not sure what to do. Yours, slightly shy blogging mother of three.
I’ve just written something really similar about how I’m not sure about coming to the meet up, because I’m really quite shy with people I don’t know so well in real life. Maybe we could sit in the corner together and tweet everyone else on the other side of the room.
I’ve just read your comment and that’s EXACTLY how I feel, so I’m deffo up for sitting in the corner together….somehow I think we might not be the only ones
Right, I’ll bring her with me! she does sound like she’s got a few stories to tell huh?
You’re not? in that case I’m not sure we can be friends anymore…
Cool! Can we meet? you sound brilliant!
Just as well, eh? lol. don’t think i’d ever want to be Kate Moss though – I rather like my food
It would be a shame not to meet…where abouts do you live roughly…south? north?
there’s not many that can pull that look off
Everything is teenagers’ fault, it’s a scientific fact. I find that hard to believe though – for older people maybe but given the mount of time teens spend in the bathroom it would mean they would have to spend 2.5 x their entire lives primping up their facebook!
Well I find as one goes on with blogging the less and less friendly one becomes to the point where if a man emails me out of the blue now I don’t even reply especially if he tells me I am ‘sexy’ …because you do get the occasional stalker
Who am I ? I am a stunningly beautiful agrophobic with double F breasts…alas I am destined to die alone lol
London, but I think I might have to pluck up the courage to come to Reading…
There’s a snow dome in Milton Keynes, y’know.
Hahahaha!
As I’ve not “known” you for long, I started reading this thinking “lol she’s kidding” then into “my goodness she’s telling the truth!” before I got to the end hehe…
But yep, it could all be too easy to do something like that, living a virtual life via blogs etc, and not being the person you state.
I am though. Nutcase single mum from northern Scotland, who works in a bloody theatre. Literally. Orthopaedics is very bloody.
Hi Heather…yeah, yeah, try and pull that fast one on me, I know who you are!…I mean I could really be Barbara Good…you just don’t know! HA HA HAAAAAA (cackle laughter).
Would love to come to the meet up but Reading is a bit out of my comfort zone…no doubt there will be incriminating pictures posted! Love this post BTW!
oh crap you don’t really live in lapland!! OMG i had that whole twitter conversation with you about you living there i feel such an idiot right now lol!! i bet you were killing yourself laughing watching me go and on
you see thats what i get for beliving everyone is who they say there are.
I’ve met many bloggers and tweeters in ‘real life’ and it was great. I am exactly who i say i am, the picture even looks like me too and if you ask anyone who has met me i hope they will agree
maybe that’s where I’ve been doing all my vlogs from!
ha ha ha, yeah, the snow would have been a lot of work, huh?
Sorry, but *another shove* 3/4 the way through and haven’t touched it in months?? ME. TOO. Seriously.
maybe we are the same person and i’m just having this conversation with
myself?
OMG – talk about gullible – I was beginning to believe this, and was completely gripped! Good piece of writing. Don’t freek me out again please! I too never question anyone’s identity – strange eh.
ha ha ha, sorry about that! lol It is interesting that we don’t question
stuff like that although I guess always questioning it would make you some
paranoid freak or something so it’s probably a good thing.
crap so you do live in lapland?! oh god this is too much for my baby frazzled brain, I am too gullible. i haven’t watched your vlogs i’m afraid. xxx
Sorry, yes i do really live in Lapland. I am really called Heather. It was
just an attempt to highlight how trusting we are on the internet, how much
we assume and take as the truth. I didn’t mean to confuse you love xx
you managed to do that very well lol!! you’re so right though i believe that everone is who they say they are, i think that is because i’ve met quite a few bloggers so i have that ‘trust’ in them. I will go and lie down now xxxx
Crikey you’ve scared the crap out of me! I naively don’t want to imagine anyone in our little blogosphere is misrepresenting themselves but now I think about it, there must be some of that going on, even at an innocent level.
Ah well, I’ll be there behind Paula and her pepper spray just in case.
MD xx
You’ve done it again!!! I have a “story” half written with a similar theme LOL I’ll be so glad to finish these two courses, then I can start writing properly again.
oops, sorry. xx
LOL – I’ll still write it anyway but I’ll hide it away for a while