Little Miss Poopy Pants
The roof of my mouth was coated in a inch-thick layer of hardened snot, my tongue clinging to it like a mollusc. My throat seemed swollen to within an inch of its life and the inside of my head felt as though my brain had melted into a watery, green goo and was sloshing around in my ear canals.
Ugh.
It wasn’t even a noise, more of a catch of the throat.
The duvet pressed down on me like a dead body.
It was all too much, my eyes rolled back in their sockets as I fell back into the land of the drugged up sick.
My brain pinged them back open again.
I shut them
They opened.
Shut.
Open.
I was feeling too pathetic to even swear. I lay staring up at the ceiling in an unfocused daze, there was something my body was trying to tell me. Something nagging at the tiny, still active, part of my mind.
A sensation I should recognise.
Damn it, I need the toilet!
Right at that moment it felt easier to just stop breathing so I wouldn’t have to worry about it. With a huge effort, I pushed the dead body off the top of me, dislodging a mountain of screwed up, snoty tissues. I managed to swing my legs off the bed and stagger to a standing position, my left foot landing with a squelch on the one tissue that still hadn’t dried properly.
I took a step.
It stuck to my foot.
I couldn’t have cared less. I was way past the stage of having any dignity.
I managed 10 steps down the hall before having to pause for a rest, leaning against the wall, panting. The air to my lungs both helping and making my throat feel like a firey hole to the fourth dimension was being ripped in it.
I started again, staggering a little and finally made it. Like the victor of a marathon, I sat down, head between my knees drawing in lung fills of molten air feeling proud of myself.
I’d made it.
I sighed with relief.
‘Mummy!’ My daughter squeeled as her head appeared around the door. ‘Mummy, you’re awake!’
I managed the smallest of nods, my head feeling as though it might snap off its far too frail neck.
Her face clouded over with concern.
‘Oh mummy! Mummy’s sickies.’ She walked over and patted me on the cheek. ‘I’ll make you better, mummy.’
She left one hand on my cheek and leaned in, resting her face against my other cheek.
‘Mummy?’ she said in her concerned voice.
‘Ummm?’ I groaned.
She stroked my cheek and lowered her voice some more.
‘Mummy, I’ve just had a poo in my pants.’
I'm Heather, an ex expat, now back in blighty and living in Lancashire. Which is just like Lapland only less snowy...and stuff.
Oh I feel so awful for laughing… you poor love.
I'm not laughing, I'm really not. I really hope you feel better soon.
I really feel sorry you. I honestly do.
…
In between my sniggering. xxxxxx
Bless her – at least she realised you were poorly & needed her to speak quietly! I do hope you feel better soon!
It never rains…
Hope you're being nursemaided by hubby and drinking lots of water. You need to keep hydrated.
I also hope it's not catching.
oh dear, sorry for laughing hehehe, kids eh? you lot to love them… sort of…
hope your feeling betterx
Hope you get plenty of bed rest and care, sounds really bad … thought you were going to say it was you who poo'd their pants!
I shouldn't be laughing sorry. Hope you feel better soon!
Oh I remember those days. There's just never a moment of respite is there when you've got littlies. Hang in there oh and maybe find the bloke to change the really heavy duty nappies at the mo!
I nearly just wee'd in my pants reading that.
but at least if your all blocked up you wont be able to smell the poo…a small conselation but one all the same.
I'm sorry you feel like crap
*doing my hope heather gets better soon dance in sparkly pink hot pants*
Lots of love…but no hugs and kisses…i dont want ur lurgey
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
No such thing as sick leave for a mummy, is there? Hope you are feeling much better soon.
but still, I bet that took your mind off it for a minute, didn't it… hope you get well soon
Kids sure can pick their moments (very sorry, but lol). Hope you feel better soon, take care. Jen.
It's a very good thing we love our children. Otherwise they'd never make it past the first year.
Hope you feel better ASAP, you've got a very important date soon…
Oh dear… I'm sorry, but I laughed at the last bit. I hate being ill and having to take care of littlies, and yet if it's the dad who's not well he ets to stay in bed all day and be pandered to all day! >_< Hope you're feeling better soon. xx
BWhahahahaha
well that is funny right there. Hope you feel better!
It was of those moments where i made a mental note to think of it later and laugh. Not funny right there and then but with a bit of distance, and whole lot of panadol, it would be. lol
I do, I do, i'm feeling much better now thanks x
Fancy laughing at me in my state. Tut. Yeah, okay, I'm laughing at me too now.
That is one small mercy. Feeling much better now x
Breaking news – I have just found out that it is a new virulent strain of computer virus and you are all going to get it just by reading this Mwaaah haa haa
Got to, they wont let you send the buggers back. Feeling much better now thanks xx
Thankfully it was the little one! lol. Although at certain points it was a lot more tempting than actually getting up to go to the loo. Feeling much better now x
Feeling much better now. Well enough that it is funny to think back on it x
Thankfuly they went and spent that night at grandmas house so I got a full sleep and a lie in! Was bliss. Well, apart from the not and feeling like I was dying…
In sparkly pink hot pants? That'll be why i feel much better today, all that dancing you did. Thanks hun, owe you one! xx
Thank you. I do feel much better today, Even left the house for a few hours!
It did indeed. I completely forgot my pain for a few minutes and thanked the gods I had no sense of smell.
Thanks Jen, I'm feeling much better now x
The first year? they'd be lucky to make it past a week,
Aint that the truth! the dads always get to spend the whole day in bed, usually whilst we take the kids out of the house for the day so we dont disturb them! Feeling much better now thanks x
Yeah, feeling much better now thanks x
I wish I didn't know that kind of situation intimately. Poor you!
Me too! lol. Feeling much better today though. Even braved the outside world
for a few hours!
Oh Heather poor you!! There is nothing worse than being sick when you have little ones at home. You describe it all so well it brings all the horribleness back. Glad you are getting better now. And I just bet you loved having to clean that poo up LOL x
It was wonderful. lol
Sorry.. but I laughed!
I do sympathize..it's no fun at all being sick!
ha ha ha, that's okay, looking back its quite funny. Little buggers, eh?
Oooh poor you. Seriously, not laughing at all. No, not even so much as a … *snort* … oops sorry. Hope you're feeling better.
Mush better thanks! I can stand up straight and breathe and everything
Bwahahahahaha, I almost peed in mine when I read the last line.
I'm a bit late so I hope you're feeling much better now. Oh, hang on, the comment below just caught my eye, I see you can breathe – that's jolly encouraging.
Breathing, that's usually a good thing, huh? Yes thanks, am feeling much
better now. xx
If I were any better at keeping up with the blogs I subscribe to I might
even have managed sympathy – sorry!
lol. no worries my dear. We all have loves to attend to xxx
I'm catching up though! I should be at yesterday by Friday at this rate, I
reckon.