Paranoia – it’s not just me, right?
‘Oh my God!’
‘What?’
‘What?! Didn’t you read that?’
‘Yeah.’
‘Well?’
‘Well, what?’
Well, it’s obviously about me. Look, look what they’ve written.’
‘Don’t roll your eyes like that, look.’
‘Sweeite, really, it’s not about you.’
‘It must be, look what they’ve said there.’
‘It’s not about you, okay, leave it alone.’
‘But it must be’
‘Jeez, get over yourself already. Not everything is about you.’
‘Well, no… But this is.’
‘It’s not. Christ, they haven’t even used a name. See, it could be about anyone.’
‘But it’s not, it’s about me. I know it is.’
‘ITS NOT ABOUT YOU! NOT EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD IS ABOUT YOU!’
‘Might be.’
And on and on goes the conversation in my head.
It’s a funny old world, this online one, isn’t it?
You get to read things that you wouldn’t ordinarily hear in real life; conversations, rants and moans, things you probably wouldn’t even be aware of happening unless you were there at the time.
Not so, online though.
On the interwebs they are immortalised, you can visit them time and time again, each time reading something new, something different into them.
If you’re a paranoid freak like me, that is.
You get to be privy to people’s feelings that, in the real world, you would only be privy to if those feelings definitely weren’t about you. If someone was having a good old bitch and a moan to you in real life, you can be fairly certain that they aren’t talking about you.
Online, however, that’s not the case. I suppose its more like over hearing a conversation. You can stumble across blog posts and comments that have your paranoia antenna twirling.
Is it me they are bitching about?
Am I the one they all have such disdain for?
Did I do/say/write that?
Why does everybody hate me?
Why do they all say I eat worms?
Bah.
I know how ridiculous it is, and for the most part I keep the delusional, paranoid part of me locked up in high tower and feed her only on cobwebs, but sometimes…well…sometimes she manages to spin those cobwebs into a long, Rapunzel-esque rope and climb out of the tower to which she is normally banished.
And then I end up having irritating conversations, like the one above, with her in my head.
Maybe I should just stop reading blog posts altogether. Might be healthier that way. Or maybe I should just avoid the comments sections, because it’s usually there, where for some reason people feel freer to say things than they would on their own blog as though they can’t be held responsible for them if they are not on their own blog, that the paranoia starts to seep in.
Because it’s all about me, dontchaknow.
Sigh.
I’m not the only, right?
I'm Heather, an ex expat, now back in blighty and living in Lancashire. Which is just like Lapland only less snowy...and stuff.
As Oscar Wilde once said; the only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.
Why does nobody talk about me? *sniff* Am I not good enough? Not worthy? Not exciting enough?
ha ha ha, it's so true though isn't it? there's just no pleasing
our fragile human egos, eh?
Ha ha ha, I am sure that I dont even show up on anyones radar, let alone make it in to their minds to write about me.
I wouldnt be nasty about anyone on the blog now I have learned my lesson!
Heather. I promise. If I'm going to be mean, I'll do it to your face…. But you do eat worms, don't you? I'm sure that bit's true.
ps just noticed the plug for my latest! Wow! Thank you. Definitely can't say anything mean now….
pps. Just re-read my post. And you're right. That was you…. You and Iota and an American living here, but can't remember who. I would have linked to you, but I didn't it was fair to when I couldn't remember who the third one was…. But it wasn't anything mean, and there weren't any worms x
Hey, just remember Heather… there's no such thing as bad publicity! (Who said that?)
That's my thought exactly. In the same bit of my mind, I know full well that
people have much better things to be talking about than me, and yet that
paranoid, an lets face it, egotistical part of me, is sure they all are. lol
I like to quote Dory (from Finding Nemo) in moments like these: Just keep swimming.
The brilliance of you is what others fear most. Don't forget the quote – “Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you NOT to be? You are the child of the universe. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you…” And it goes on. I've got the whole thing printed and stuck on the wall above my desk so that I keep remembering that. Email me if you want the whole thing, m'am!
Oh yeah, I totally eat worms. We all do, right?
more than welcome, it was a super post xx
ha ha ha, paranoia really strikes at times huh? lol. I promise I wrote this
before i read your post. It's okay, no worries xx
oh and i think the other one was Heather from Eggs Cream and Honey, maybe?
she is an Amercian living in the UK and she write a post about it recently.
Oooh, I love that quote! Yes, will email you for it.
Oh damn you Tim, now I'm going to have to start asking Google questions again, huh? God, at this rate I'll be learning stuff every day
It was Brendan Behan. Obviously. Ahem.
That's exactly who it was. Might have to do an addendum…
You worm eating freak…..
Have you seen all your followers, look there, to the right. These people are there because, good or bad, you have a really strong voice, you are worth reading, you seem to create posts that demand a response.
How bloody fab is that! Keep going.
Sob.
Thank you. i know it's daft, I just…I dunno, sometimes my paranoia gets
the better of me. It must be my inner ego maniac coming to the surface. lol
[...] no good reason, it got me wondering how I could translate this into a blog post, and after reading Heather’s post today about paranoia and the potential for people to say hurtful things behind the veil of the [...]
You talking about me? You are, aren't you?
I saw a post on someone's blog in the past few months that was really quite mean about another blogger. She didn't say who it was but I could work it out. It surprised me. I didn't like it.
The thing I really like about the bloggy network of mums and expats that I mingle with is the more or less unconditional support. People seem to accept that each other are different and seem to take inspiration from that. I could never be as bold as you about some things you blog about but thats why I love reading your blog! Its good writing and good entertainment. If someone has moaned about you then its because it pressed buttons in them–possibly envy that they are not as brave or talented. Its annoying discovering that you cant please everyone all the time, but its also reality.
Of course I am, everybody is….
It is annoying isn't it realising that you can't please everyone? But like
you say, one of those realities of life.
The thing is, i'm sure that the things I was getting paranoid about probably
weren't about me at all, it's not like everyone spends all day thinking
about me or anything lol. but sometimes that little paranoid part of the
brain sits up and starts bugging me. Bah. i need a reality check. lol
It's interesting isnt it how we use body language to determine a persons stance towards us and also how tone of voice can completely change how a sentence is perceived, without those two important things in place it is easy to offend in blogland I guess.
Everything can't be about you, because everything is already about ME!
oh definitely, and not knowing a persons sense of humour as well can play a big part in getting conversations wrong etc on the net.
ha ha ha ha
*sulk*
tis not.
I read this and thought “she's talking about me, it's so obvious”….. and then I slapped myself about a bit and stopped, LOL. I think there's a lot of us that are really paranoid, over analytical and paying the price for it. Blogging and social media in general exposes elements of ourselves that would normally remain hidden to all but our closest friends and family, and with that comes vulnerability. I think you've got a good point about people using comments to reveal more than they would in their own blog posts, and funnily enough I'm drafting a post on a similar subject right now, so maybe there is something in the ethos making us feel this way. It's easy to hide behind the protective blanket of the interweb and I frequently see barbed comments popping up on Twitter that (IMHO) are unnecessary and designed to unsettle. I love the advice from AussieJazz…Just keep swimming, that's in my head now and that's where it's going to stay. You are too good to be bothered by this….. stop it now xxx
Stopping, stopping…mostly. lol. I refuse to let it bother me but it still
does, if you know what i mean. and i'm sure that really none of it was about
me, just paranoia which has been a bit higher recently with having been
housebound for the last week and a half with sick kids and then my own
sickness. Getting out into some fresh air and being around real people soon
helps knock all this silly stuff out of my head.
It is interesting what people write in comments. I've been wondering if I
do it too, feel more free to say things on other peoples blogs in the
comments than I would on my own…not sure really. Looking forward to
reading the post.
x
Agreed – it's mainly when the balance between RL and virtual life has got a bit mangled. My post is more to do with speaking out of turn, not specifically about blog comments, it might get written sometime this millennium. Hope you're feeling better now, sounds like you've had a rough time x
Think we are probably all a bit sensitive like this. I've found that a bit of time not reading loads of blogs has really helped the paranoia. The internet is really bad for reading slights into peoples behaviour when the reality is they have probably gone off to go and have a cup of tea and forgotten to reply.
It's all about me! You've got it wrong. They're always talking about me, especially in the comments section. It's all about vegemitevix …I don't think I can stand the pressure any longer of Twitter, of blogging of ranking of everything. It makes me feel quite emotional really.
I'm not paranoid.
It's daft isn't it, but oh so true. most of the time it really isn't what we
think at all.
Of course you're not paranoid my love, they really are talking bout you. We
all do it, when your back is turned.
Has she gone now? good, so as I was saying, did you see what vegemitevix
wrote the other day, i mean honestly, who does she think…oh, sorry, are
you still here?
No, it's not just you. Hardly anyone reads my blog yet still last week I read a post and thought, do they mean me? Sometimes I wonder whether the reason I need to blog as free therapy is partly due to the blogging itself…
Can you put it up on the page because it is brilliant!
testing…
ha ha ha, blogging as free therapy for the stress brought about by blogging? ha ha, there could be a whole new blog genre born there…
And did we come up to scratch?
Thank you for being a friend…
A box full of wonderful things appeared on my doorstep today. It was full of promises…. Dreams………… and even a fantasy or two! How to make a girl smile! It was just brilliant. Despite being held up by volcanic ash, my press…
I get paranoid, often. But I try not to show it too much. I guess not everything is about you, or me, or them, but you write some cracking posts, whoever it's about!
CJ xx
ha ha ha, thank you my dear. I am rather glad it's not just me that does
this. It's one less thing to be paranoid about lol
I don't get the whole online bitching. If you don't like someone, just walk away.
I try to stay out of these kind of conversations. Bad karma, etc…
It is a strange thing, online bitching. *she says getting all paranoid
about whether this is classed as online bitching* Oh Jeez Heather, get over
yourself already. *shakes head* so yeah, online bitching. It's a bit daft
really isn't it. Its hardly like you have to read the posts that someone
writes. It's a bit different to being at work and having to sit next to
someone or whatever.
Just because your paranoid doesn't mean you are wrong lol (sorry, couldn't resist
) Jen.
oh noes! *clutches face and yells in a 'home alone' stylie* maybe they
really are talking about me! lol
Interesting what you said about people being freer in comments than on their own blog, as I am now going to prove that rule by talking about my MIL, which I would not normally do, who is the most paranoid person I know. I don't know if it is years of living on her own or what, but absolutely EVERYTHING revolves around her, both OH and I find it quite exhausting. She even managed to make the fact that they had switched off the digital TV signal in our area recently about her..
So, sorry, hon – in comparison to her you are a rank amateur
Haha of course we're all talking about you. You and your worm eating and your brilliant posts and your managing to be so brilliant with kids and a lot of poop. And we all hate you for it. We do. But we smile to your face and then we bitch about you to each other via comments. Vix and Susie and I have actually come up with a special code. Whenever you see the word “love” like “I love this post” we're actually talking about you and it means “Heather's a bitch.” Seriously.
I'm sorry to reveal it all like this, but you did ask so I thought it was best to lay our cards on the table.
Kisses and all,
I love this post,
Dara
(as you got my previous satire I'm not going to paranoidally worry that you won't get this. No sirree I will not)
You know what gets me? Whe I respond in comments to someones post and I enter the word verification and all that and later I go back to read their post and my comment isn't there. Did they erase it? Am I so wretched they don't even want me commenting on their blog. Was what I said so stupid it's not for the general public?
Or even worse, my comment is there along with 40 others that have all been responded to, but no response to mine. Kind of like being the last picked for th team, except not picked at all.
ha ha ha, sorry hun but THAT is funny. I really need to work on my paranoia if i'm going to attain such lofty heights. lol
I knew it was true, I thought as much, I hate you all. bitches.
oh no! that is a big paranoia bomb that is. the most likely answer of being that they over looked the comment by accident if they didnt respond to yours – although if happened a few times from the same person i think I would just stop reading their blog to be honest. The missing comments thing happens a lot. Sometimes the ether just eat them…I don wonder where they end up though….
Now I know you are all talking about me! No really I see my name mentioned below…in the comments section. LOL.
Seriously, babe I must be happily oblivious to it all cause I never think anyone is talking about me. So much so that sometimes I think I am invisible. You know I put comments on twitter and no one ever (I mean ever) responds to them. I am always first. Anyway that's for another time. I see you as a VIP in this blogging community and have from the beginning. I don't think anyone would dare be mean about you. You've got way to many supporters. A little bit of paranoia is no bad thing though. Keeps us on our toes.
LMAO-love that 1husband!
ha ha ha, it's true, we were talking about you. lol
I feel a bit daft, I didn't mean that people HAD been talking about me,
quite the opposite, just that in my paranoid brain (mostly brought on by
being locked in the house too long with sick kids) everything i read that
was negative about 'someone' in our little blogging world, was about me.
Which in the cold light of a slightly more sane day, i am sure is rubbish
because, lets face it, not everything (in fact very little) is actually
about me.
Nothing more than stupid paranoia.
I'm totally new to the blogosphere, in fact, I didn't even know it existed until the last few months, but I've used forums for donkeys and many forum friends have become my real life friends now.
My impression of blogging so far is there is a certain etiquette that bloggers feel under pressure to comply with, and maybe because it's a relatively new phenomenon (I know that some bloggers have blogged for years and years, but I understand that it's only in the last year or so that it's become 'networked' etc.) everyone is finding their feet and their place, not wanting to tread on each others toes, but at the same time wanting to do what comes naturally. With this comes concerns about how you are coming across, whether you have inadvertently broken a code you don't know about yet and so on. Posting about blogging seems to be as popular as blogging!
I think that online life reflects real life really. There will always be some people who think you are a twat and very often you will just be two people who don't click, so in all likelihood you will also think think that the person who thinks you are a twat, is a twat. It's fine, it's life and once you accept that, it's a lot easier to lose the paranoia.
I do think there comes a point in online friendships where you need to be able to look each other in the eye to know whether you really click. That's when online friends become real life friends.
Meanwhile, just try and enjoy it, you are obviously a very popular blogger Heather.
Jo
PS – if there are loads of silly mistakes above it's because I can't stand writing in these tiny boxes but for some reason didn't think to open word and copy and paste!
Yes I've just decided this week to stop commenting on someone's blog. I comment on hers all the time and I really like it. I've even mentioned her on mine. And never anything from her. No respond comment; no visit to my blog; no, hey, thanks for mentioning me.
So . . . that's it. Although then I wonder if I'm being paranoid and she's just one of these people that doesn't really respond much, just blogs and walks away. And I wonder if I really enjoy her blog why I would stop reading it because I feel personally put off by her. Unlike literature it is hard to seperate the author from the material, though . . .
PPS – should add *I* don't think you're a twat x
Yes-I want it too!
That's a very good point, some people you just wont click with, no matter
what. Those are the blogs you should just avoid reading and get on with
your life i guess. I think you are right about blogging etiquette as well,
there is an ettiquette of sorts but it does seem to be a changing and
evolving thing, it's hard sometimes to know the exact right thing.
but nah, this post is just about be being a bit of a dick really. Have an
attack of the paranoid willies whilst i was trapped in the house for a week
and a half with sick kids and then i was sick. Once I left the house and
started talking to real people again it all went away. funny how the mind
is, huh?
Heather-one thing you can be quite certain of at least about me is that if I have anything to say about you I will say it to your face. I try to do that with anyone because I prefer people treating me that way as well.
So-I think you are completely and utterly nuts for being paranoid and worrying. You are talented and funny and that's that.
It's hard isn't it, because then of course you get in to the whole 'why do I
read blogs' thing and it gets all very confusing in the mind. Believe me.
lol
Just read this reply. I think it's a bit sad that in an adult world, you are having to read cryptic comments about 'someone'. It's really not fair to make those sort of comments about others, whether it's you or not, it's a tad childish. I suppose the paranoid feelings that we feel ' are a reminder not to talk about other people in that kind of way, maybe. Much better to either be upfront if something someone does gets on our tits, or just avoid them altogether…
That's always nice lol. I dont think you are either.
I wonder if men have these attacks of paranoid willies? I get them too. I'm fairly sure for me it was because of being part of quite a bitchy crowd at school. I always felt on the look out for when it was my turn to be bitched about.
Glad you're feeling better though
the email address she gave isn't working…will google it instead…
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are we not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small doesn’t serve the world.
There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It’s not just in some of us, it’s in everyone.
And as we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fears, our presence automatically liberates others.
Source: A Return to Love, by Marianne Williamson, as quoted by Nelson Mandela in his inaugural speech, 1994
It's very true, very reu indeed. there is something very playground-esk
about it. We should have outgrown that by now.
ha ha ha, yup completely nuts. *shrugs* that's me
I dunno, I suspect that it is a women thing. I've always preferred working
with men rather than women for this same reason. To be fair 99% of the
blogging world that i have encountered are not like this at all. they are
lovely, kind and supportive people, but it's never those posts that stay
with you when youre feeling like that is it? lol
Next time you feel paranoid about comments just remember getting roped into one of those naked sauna parties you posted about awhile back and remember your worry should be saved for times like that! Unless of course you have come around to that sort of thing.
But anyway. I really enjoy your blog and your posts make an impact and generate interesting debate. Whether or not rude comments you stumble upon in the blogosphere are about you just leave them as they're not adding anything good to this community but you are.
OMG you are SO right! I thought it was just me being new & every thing! The thing that I've got a problemn with as well is people reading my innocent posts & reading all sorts into it(thinking it's about them) & doing things with it (telling other people I'm being unkind!)!! It has meant that I've really thought hard about what I right to the point that I think my writing is becoming stunted!! I will continue to think about my words but have decided that it is their probloem not mine!!
Relax! You run a very successful popular blog. No-one else's has a reindeer pooping as their header. That must count for something.
You sometimes write about contentious subjects, and you are not shy about expressing your opinions. So people are bound to pick up on stuff.
Relax, I say.
I bet you think this post is about you, don't you. (sings)
Seriously, I love seeing your little reindeer droppings on my blog. I must visit you more often. Disqus has a habit of throwing me out.
I think we all have these feelings. When Sally Whittle went on about that person who hadn't been transparent, the other day, I was thinking 'she means me, she means me' when a) I don't do reviews and b) I'm not a PR.
In assembly at school, when the headmistress started asking who had done such and such, I always felt she was talking about me even when I knew she wasn't!
I get paranoid, too.
I'm not sure what's worse when I do it, though – finding out I was right, it was about me or finding out that it had nothing to do with me, it's just I keep being all egocentric.
I'll get it right someday.
Shannon
http://everydaystranger.net
I won't gain any friends with this comment but I think its females mostly. I call em snakes in the head. They seem to be affected worse than guys I know. I usually say that kind of thinking comes standard issue with the installation of a vagina.
Nope – it's not just you. Only I do it about EVERYTHING and not just in blog-land….::sigh::
All I can say is the first sign of madness is when you talk to yourself, the second sign is when you answer yourself and the third sign is when you start disagreeing with yourself. According to the conversation above …I would say you are in the 3rd stage. Now if you go ahead and start developing these conversations it could lead to you sprouting another schizo-like personality, well then we probably need to have you checked over (admitted). And yes this is about you. LOL!
Haha sorry everyone for the teaser and then not having a working email address… hmm must fix that then (didn't know).
Glad you like it, it is truly a wonderful affirmation – except I have swapped the word 'God' for the less stigmatic term 'the Universe' in my version on my wall here
ha ha ha, very good point. I need to store my paranoia up for times when
it's really needed. lol.
That is precisely why I mostly only write post about myself, if you know
what i mean. Stupid things i've done etc etc so that nobody in real life
gets paranoid I'm talking about them.
Heather, chill the fuck out, in other words lol. You're right of course.
It was mostly because I'd been housebound with sick kids and run down
myself and my mind started to go a bit crazy. Some fresh air and real life
conversation and these things dispersed.
Oh god yes, I was that girl on school too. And everytime I walk through
security at an airport or something, or even just past a policeman, I feel
guilty. lol
That's very true. finding out you were right does have a small satisfaction
of knowing you weren't being a paranoid freak with it but then of course the
crushing pain that someone was being unpleasant about you.
Agreed!! for the most part you dont get this with men. I've always
preferred working with men and in male dominated professions for that very
reason. Much less stressful. Although I feel I should point out that 99% of
the blogging ladies I know are lovely fabulous people…it's not those
comments that stick in you like little barbs though, huh? I do wish i was
the sort to sail gracefully above it all.
I think, if I actually knew people in real life, that i would be much the
same. lol
Fair point. you can send the men with the white coats now if you like
I like the idea of swaping the word out, for Universe. Good idea.
Me too! I do like reading posts like this, I feel less like a paranoid nutter! Try not to take it personally, even if it is about you, which it’s probably not, it’s only 1 person in a sea of people who adore you
Ahh my love. Aren't we hopeless? You know I feel like this. I blame it on lack of sleep.
I would like to make a rule that people stop with the passive-aggressive “I'm obviously annoyed with someone but I'm not going to say who, or what it's about, just hint at enough to make everyone reading it worry that it's secretly about them”
I am too tired to figure out stupid cryptic messages. That is all.
Now a big kiss to you. And if it IS all about us maybe that's just because we're so bloody fabulous
x
It's stupid isn't it? Cryptic messages suck and should be banned. Sending
sleepy vibes Kai's way…
LOL you're nordy!
Just have to weigh in on this one as well to agree, Dara. I've got a blogging buddy like this as well. Read religiously, comment when it moves me (every second or so post they do). And yet….. chirping crickets on my blog. No reciprocal comments (event though they have admitted to reading mine) and I see this blogger commenting all over the place on other blogs I go to. I think what I have there is a justified case of paranoia! *ducks furtively like a scared monkey*
Fresh air and real life… the usual antidotes.
Glad you're feeling better.
I think we must all feel like that at some point. I think it's because of a number of things. It's really easy to misinterpret things when you can't see someone's facial expression. Sarcasm can come across badly, as can a serious comment. I also think that it's easy to feel left out when there are so many blogs, so many people on twitter, so many many conversations. You can't possibly be involved in all of them, yet not being involved can make you feel like you are missing out. And if you are busy for a few days, as you have been setting up this beautiful new blog, you can feel completely out of the loop. Because you are just getting the tail end of conversations, it's very easy to assume that people are referring to something that they're not. AND, it's natural that people will form better relationships with some people than others, and in the last few months people on twitter have been forming little groups. I don't think there's necessarily anything wrong with this, it's just who you get on better with. When we (and by we I mean the whole big overlapping blogging type group) first joined, we were more polite and not so close to each other. Now we are becoming proper friends. But you can't become proper friends with everyone, because people aren't like that. SO, bearing all this in mind, I think it's perfectly normal to feel left out sometimes. I know I do, and I have to give myself a stern talking to to make myself see sense. I'll shut up now.
Wise words indeed! I find some fresh air and the company of real people
helps put it all into perspective as well.
Heather, I promise I'll bitch about you to your face…!
But seriously I think that's the problem with the internet, that the written word is powerful and that sometimes people forget that
Well now you're just being silly. It can't be all about you, it's obviously all about me.
The only bitching about me that i tolerate is to my face lol. But that is
very true, words are really powerful things, sometimes they get used so
frivolously.
Ahh, of course. It all makes sense now.