Note From Lapland

Dumbdad And The Incontinent Reindeer

Dumdad is a former Fleet Street journalist who lives in Paris with his wife, The Frog Queen, and with whom he has spawned two children, Brainbox and Princess Perfect. His blog, The Other Side of Paris, records his life in the city of light plus a sprinkling of his past life, poetry, pop music and other pointless ponderings.

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I’VE HAD a hell of a journey getting here. It’s a long haul from Paris to Lapland, but here I am at last. The last part of the trip in the sleigh was hard work; flipping reindeer kept stopping to pee. The road behind me is littered with yellow icicles.

Why am I in residence at Notes from Lapland?

Because that nice Heather invited me to fill in for a day on her blog while she is gadding about God’s Own Country (England). Heather is an expat Brit like me and we expats have got to stick together.

Crikey, but it’s cold over here. My decision to wear shorts was, in retrospect, ill thought out.

Isn’t this a cool blog? Obviously cool in the sense of it’s brass monkeys over here but also cool because of all the snazzy features like the smart design and great header and all the other dinky bits and bobs. Visit my blog and you’ll see what I mean: from fab to drab. But I’m too lazy to change my template. And her writing is a joy too.

I also love Heather’s vlogs. Check out “A Tour of My Farm” to see where she lives. So much snow and there’s a stark beauty to the place. And you’ll realise why Heather thinks life is game for a laugh after watching her stuff her gob full of marshmellows.

Before I came over here I decided to check where and what was Lapland. So a quick look at Wikipedia informed me that “Lapland is a region in northern Fennoscandia, largely within the Artic Circle. On the North it is bounded by the Barents Sea and on the West by the Norwegian Sea and on the East by the White Sea.” I’m all at sea after that information.

The name Lapland, apparently, refers to “the Sami people, called Lapp people, which is now considered derogatory, who are the minority indigenous people of the region. Lapland as a whole does not exist as a single administrative region, but there are discrete provinces of Finland and Sweden that also bear the name”.

And here I was thinking that lap dancers came from here. Or maybe they do. I’ve never actually met a lap dancer or Lapp dancer. I can understand them dancing, though, just to keep warm. Did I mention it’s bloody freezing over here?

Heather’s bit of Lapland is on the Finnish side. The capital of Finland is Helsinki. See, I did pay attention in the geography lessons at school. The people here speak Finnish, duh. And Finland is in the eurozone as is France so nice Heather can send me a cheque for 500 euros for this post. Just kidding! I only want 300 euros.

Aaaargh, my fingers have turned blue! Heather must have switched off the heating while she’s away. I think I’m getting frostbite. It’s time to head back to warmer climes.

I’ve phoned for a sleigh to take me to the airport. I hope it’s not the one with the incontinent reindeer.

Näkemiin! As they say over here. (A reindeer told me that was the word but one can never tell when these shifty beasts are telling the truth).