Not From Lapland

Expat Online

By Vegemitevix

Moving is stressful.

It’s up there with divorce, and death. I think it’s number three on the ‘Things Most Likely to Send You Over the Edge’ list. I’ve moved many, many times, well over 15 times. I’ve lived in four countries in both hemispheres, and I figure moving yourself online is very similar to being an expat.

The Idea

In the beginning you toy with the idea. You mull it over.

Nah, too hard. Way too hard. I can’t even get myself up and to work on time let alone move…

Then something happens. That something could be anything. Your dog could die, your man ran off with his gym instructor, you could be culled from the management team….whatever… SOMETHING happens.

And it all becomes clear. It’s time to move.

Didn’t like this crappy place anyway! Have you seen the mess I have to live in? And the people? Have you ever known such arrogant two bit tossers?

Over it!

I’m getting outta here.

And you do.

Not long after the catalyst event you make a dash for the greener grass. You pack all your earthly possessions – and a few other-wordly hang-ups – into your handkerchief on a stick and head off.

The online equivalent is realising that you arent achieving your goals in real life and your decision to start a blog.

Your arrival point is your happy haven. You fall head over heels in love.

Who knew there was such a wonderful place?The sun is always shining, the people are lovely. Such lovely comments.

Everybody loves me. I like it here!

Phase 2 – Feet Touching earth.

Then there’s a reality check and you falter.

What do you mean I can’t just head home now things are getting a little jaundiced? Did you hear what she said to me?

I really don’t know how to get up every day and feed this blog after all.

People here don’t like me very much. They remind me of people I used to know, back there!

The realities of your new situation sink in. In real life you notice the bureaucracy, the accents, the lack of decent food. Online, in your new situation you notice how people form into little groups, marginalise, are competitive and downright bitchy! Just like at home in the real world!

Phase 3 – Get me Outta Here

All of a sudden this seemed like a baaaaad idea. You want out. And now! Right now! After all, you can’t write, your subscriber stats are falling, you didn’t get ranked on the Big Poohbah list of Little Tot Poohbahs. Meh! Who needs the grief!!

Not you! Outta here.

Except it’s not as easy as that. Things get in the way. Commitments you’ve made to other people, commitments you made to yourself that you’d really give it a proper go.

You can’t just give up when the going gets tough. GET UP you lazy tart!!

In real life, all expats go through this stage of evaluation. I don’t think there’s a time-frame, it could take six months or six years, but everyone reaches that time when they think maybe they should just go home.

Then something miraculous happens…

Phase 4 – This way home

All of a sudden you realise that this is what you’ve chosen to do, for these reasons..and you are going to stick with it and make it work.

But against your rule of thumb. The only person holding the measuring stick against your work, your online life or expat life, is you.

This is the hard, look yourself in the mirror phase.

But after a while of peering, and some time ripping your hair out, you realise there’s not only a face looking back at you in the mirror but there’s also a sign reflected in the background. It’s hard to read, but it you stand still you can just make it out….It simply says:

Welcome Home.

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Vegemitevix has lived in four countries in two hemispheres, and actually chose to move from New Zealand to Blighty. She swapped stunning sunshine for sleet and snow, vegemite for marmite, and beautiful beaches..for Blighty! She writes about her adventures as an expat mum to three now living in her second marriage to the long suffering Englishman, in rural Hamsphire.