Is England Child Unfriendly?
Helsinki airport had a designated children play area with cartoons, toys, a slide, rocking horse and ride on toys. Even a changing mat to save you having to trek to the toilets and a microwave to warm their food.
Copenhagen airport had Lego stations and climbing frames dotting the terminal and a designated family area with toys and airhockey games among other things.
All of this was free.
Manchester T1 had…nothing, nothing that I could find anyway, and I was going out of my way to look for it. Even in MacDonald’s they didn’t have a play area. The only thing important to them, it seems, is making sure you get herded through the duty free shop and then have such uncomfortable seats to rest on that you spend most of your time wandering around the shops.
They’re missing a trick. I’d have paid £1 per child to sit in a family area where the kids could run around and play in safety
Here in Finland most cafes and restaurants have a small play area for children, a few toys, some low tables, a bit of lego, crayons or kids TV playing cartoons at low volume. Family restaurants are usually designed so that mums and dads can sit at the tables around the play area and keep an eye on their brood and those that don’t have kids can sit at the other end, relatively undisturbed.
Even the main cafe at Helsinki airport had a children’s play area.
In England, the family friendly restaurant near my mums house had only an outside play area, the indoor toys having been thrown out in favour of squeezing an extra dining table in. I didn’t see another child friendly restaurant or cafe during my stay. Not a single eatery, outside of the Haven caravan park that is, where children were made to feel happy and comfortable.
Nowhere that offered toys or activities for them.
Children are expected to behave like grown ups. To sit still, behave, not make any noise or do anything remotely…well…childlike.
I know there’s a whole group of people that think this is right, the way things should be. It was what they were made to do as children and God damn it, it is a misery they wish to see foisted on every generation to come.
If they had to suffer through it, everyone should, right?
An attitude that I really don’t get.
Surely it would make everybody’s life easier if children were allowed a place to play in these adult situations.
In the UK children start school at 4. At an age when they are just starting to learn, take in the things around them and ask questions about the world, they are made to sit still in classes, follow rules and learn what they are being taught rather than what interests them.
Outside on the streets they are kept on reins or made to walk calmly, sensibly next to their parents in busy town centers or along roads for safety. They are dragged around shops, made to wait and be good. Sit still at lunch and be mollified with the promise of a piece of cake.
Even on playgrounds they are constantly being called after by their parents to slow down, stop that, behave.
What do we English have against children behaving like children? Why does our culture insist that they behave like mini adults when out and about and where, other than their own backgardens, do the children of England go to let off steam, discover, play and explore?
Is England a child unfriendly place? Is it like this in the rest of the UK, Europe, the world?
I'm Heather, an ex expat, now back in blighty and living in Lancashire. Which is just like Lapland only less snowy...and stuff.
Hi Heather, we live very close to Gatwick Airport so when my boys were small a great day out was the airport as you could ride up and down all day free on the shuttle train from North to South and then go in the padded play area which had a cartoon channel on tv, then go round all the desks asking for luggage labels and pens and finally up to the viewing area to plane spot/sunbathe. All that is now gone/closed to public mainly due to security (play area not supervised, viewing area a terrorist opportunity, etc) such a shame, I don't know how people on a long journey manage now. So true to about the way we get our kids to conform here and restrain them – we are so lucky to have woodland behind us and I love my lads to be out there building a tree den from old rubbish or 'dirt tracking' on their bicycles – not everyone has somewhere to do this. Britain will become a society of stuffed shirts who can't express themselves I think.
It must be very difficult for parents that don't have an open area close by
where the kids can play and just be kids. It was hard enough at my mums and
she has a fairly big garden but they were still like to caged animals much
of the time.
Ireland is pretty much the same. There are very little areas for children to play. I'd even go as far as adding France in there. There are a lot of things to do in France and children are more than welcome in places like restaurants etc. They always have crayons and things like that that but not as far as a designated play area. I think it's a very Nordic thing, they are renowned for being very family friendly (maybe why I love Ikea so much). Now that's a family friendly place!
I think England is far less child friendly than much of Europe. Restaurants do not welcome children. In Bosnia they expected people to bring their children (and the waiters would often entertain them for a bit), in England you are expected not to bring your children. But the areas that are intended for children are great, better than in the rest of Europe. I do agree that people often try to restrain those childish impulses to run and shout and cause chaos and seem to stop children from exploring different ways of playing. I saw one woman stopping her kid from playing with a bunch of other children who between them were working out how to get a toy buggy to the top of a slide in order to push it down. There were no other children in the playground and I couldn't see a reason to stop your child from working in a team with other kids to solve a problem at all, but she was furious with him for a reason I still don't fathom. As for the school thing I think that although it is called school the first year is really mainly play and not that different from the nursery stages of other countries. The only difference is that it is compulsory to go I guess.
It is fantastically poor of airports to not have some form of child area, apart from anything else it gets all the kids in one place and hopefully playing with each other and therefore not under the feet of everyone else! Great post.
Great post! I may have harped on about how we are coming to Finland on our summer hols, and one of the things my mum was telling me about was that on the train we are planning to take from Helsinki to my uncle & aunt's summer house there is a whole play carriage with toys etc dedicated to children. I just don't think people in this country would even think of such a thing!
I don't think it's even deliberate necessarily – it's mainly just thoughtless, and maybe the fact, as you said, that there's a perception that it won't make any money. I think it IS getting better though… baby steps… still a long way to go to match other countries.
Totally agree – the UK has a strange attitude to children (and mothers for that matter). Kids are great we just don't want to see, hear or smell them. We are in danger of keeping our kids in children's ghettos – play parks, soft play and fast food outlets. I'm for inclusion – they are human after all.
I wholeheartedly agree that Britain is very child unfriendly, there is absolutely no tolerance for children to behave like children. Lots of parents do seem to manage to get their children to sit or walk quietly, but I can never manage that, and I feel guilty for trying, when they're not really doing any harm. But then you're also made to feel guilty for not trying, with all the disapproving looks you get. You get to know the child friendly places (few and far between) and go there all the time.
My eldest started school when he was just turned 4 – far too young, he wasn't ready for it, and I'd be much happier, if Britain came into line with most of the rest of the world, and started them at around the age of 6. There is no educational advantage starting them as young as we do, and I suspect it can even cause more harm than good.
Sadly, I think we in the UK have generations of conditioning to get out of our systems before we can even begin to address this problem. Personally, I'd fly to Copenhagen just so that I could play on the Lego, let alone the kids!
Perhaps it is a Nordic thing. that said I found Spain and France to be more welcoming of children in places in general, that they were a part of the group as rather than just irritating add-ons to be frowned upon.
It's odd isn't it, that they don't have places for them to play in such big places like airports. I think business that expect the public to come inside them should employ a mum consultant to offer advice on making it more inviting for families and people with kids.
I found it hard not to swap into that English frame of mind when back last month and start stressing that my kids were being too 'child like' in place. A couple of times Icaught myself telling them to stop doing stuff when really they weren't causing any harm – it was my sensitivity to what other people would think that caused it, nothing they had done.
that is pure genius! An entire carriage for kids to play in! I've never heard about it before and am delighted by it but not surprised that you would find that in Finland.
There is a definite lack of things like this in the UK, but then on the other hand, the UK does provide excellent places for kids to play, like Eureka in Halifax, that are out of this world. If they could just take some of that wonderful imagination and apply it everyday activities like shopping or eating out, they would make things so much better for families and those sick of screaming tantruming children in public places!
It's very strange isn't it. Especially as the effort it would take to make it easier for everyone are very minimal. A few crayons and bits of paper. A couple of boxes of lego…
Oh it's definitely unfriendly…..and we get charged so much for anything that involves amusing children or giving them a fun day out. I still expect my children to learn to sit at the table and talk if we are in restaurants, I think that's a good skill to learn but yes go anywhere public and the facilities are not there. Very very poor show for the UK. I've travelled a lot all over the world with children and we are definitely the worse here.
” I’d have paid £1 per child to sit in a family area where the kids could run around and play in safety”
Hummmm, now there is an idea to run by Linate. Italy is child friendly at its core, but in terms of amenities for kids …not so much
Oh Hooray!!! I love this post, I am so pleased that someone else has spotted this issue we have here, I honestly was beginning to think I had gone mad and that I was some kind of weirdo. I can't agree more with everything you said above, I am always commenting to Mr P on how wrong 'I feel' it is the way our children are treated when out in public places. I for various reasons, including my personal belief that four years is too young, home school my little man, I can hand on heart tell you that at four years he was in no way ready for a school environment and I felt it would be cruel to put him through such hell at such a delicate age, I feel blessed that I was in a situation to be able to do that, as so many parents out there do not have the choice. Very rarely do we eat out as a family, simply because I do not like the way my son is made to feel unwelcome, even in those places that claim to be 'family friendly' …. yes I agree in this country 'family friendly' means you can take your children along, so longs you keep them seen and not heard …. a concept I highly disagree with, they are children for god sake. They are NOT meant to be silenced, sat in a corner and bribed with the likes of Nintendo DS and such like to keep them quiet, they should be socialising, making noise and generally playing with other children. In the UK there is this huge issue with childhood depression, ADHD, hyperactivity and many other childhood behavioural disorders that they are all too happy to treat with medication and dumbing it down. If you have read my blog long enough, you will know my child is one of those with these behaviour problems but I refuse to dumb him down with this medication or brand him naughty because of it, I allow him the freedom to express himself and over the years I have come to realise he is not naughty, just different, however, many others will disagree. If children were allowed to be children once more, I feel a lot of these childhood problems the country is seeing increasing numbers of at the moment would soon become 'normal' once more.
And isn't it fabulous when you do unexpectedly find yourself in places where children are welcomed? But it's ridiculously rare. The British attitude to children seems so Victorian. Even when there are child spaces they're often just for babies and toddlers. Where can the 5 to 10-year-olds go to let off steam? They're a bit young to have to be mini-adults.
Hi Heather,
So sad to read. I have lived in New Zealand since the mid-1990s so can't really comment on the state of play (or lack there of) with regards this subject in England; however I can say in NZ we are very fortunate to have so much freedom for children to run freely, be creative and have the opportunity to simply play. Cafes positively encourage children and welcome families, children don't start school till 5 and it isn't compulsory till the age of 6. I have 3 NZ born children and parenting them here us an absolute joy and I am extremly grateful for that.
Sarah
I get the whole gist of your post but as a parent with 4 children aged 8-15 I can honestly say I haven't really been anywhere I didn't feel welcomed in the UK. Once or twice I've felt the need to stand up for my kids and ask for specific things but have never felt uncomfortable.I do understand what you mean about airports etc but there are plenty of ways of helping your child see the fun and adventure in any situation without it involving 'toys'. I think sometimes the unease of parents is caused because they are worried how others will perceive them in the situation rather than how at home the kids feel. Children need to grow up learning to change their behaviour to suit the situation not just expect that everything will be tailored to meet their needs.This is a great life skill just as important as imagination and playfulness I think.
Alot of people probably won't agree with me but that's okay. We can never make everybody happy
I wonder whether some of it comes down to liability issues. But then, those are probably a symptom, not the problem…
Having moved from London to Calgary (Canada) I have to say I agree. It's better for children here. Everywhere you go there are things to keep kids amused. We went back to England for a trip when our first son was little and it was such a nightmare – the accessibility, getting around on public transport, lack of play areas etc. But then Calgary is a modern city and very much built to cater to families.
The schooling nthing is a difficult one I think. O*n the one hand there is no proof that it helps and if anything, looking at Finlands schooling system, it works better to start them later. However, what would parents that work do if school didn't start until 6 or 7 as it does here?
When my son turns three I stop receiving stay at home benefits and am expected to work and yet I will have to pay for child care which means I will be working (am unlikely to find a well paid job due to my language barrier) in order to pay someone else to take care of my kids.
I think you have a cvery valid point there Steve. We've never outgrown our Victorian-ism have we?
It is interesting to hear from someone that has travelled so much with her kids. Sad state of affairs, isn't it?
That's interesting. I figured Italy would be rather ahead on things like this. Perhaps Finland panders to them too much…
I hadn't thought about that before, the hyperactivity and ADHD connection. It can't help, surely, if they are cooped up and expected to 'behave'.
I thought at fist that perhaps I was just going to the wrong places but the more places I visited the more I noticed this lack of child friendly stuff. the only nod towards it was the occasional highchair. It is depressing that people would rather see them attached to a computer game than playing when sat in cafes, airports and such like. I just learnt from a commenter on here that here the long distance trains even have special childrens carriages filled with toys! how amazing is that?!
And yet you aren't allowed to throw them outside to play on the streets with their friends any more either…poor kids, what are they supposed to do?
It sounds wonderful, very similar to Finland in fact.
I know what you mean, of course there are ways of entertaining your children when out without the need for toys but to be honest, I spend vast amounts of my time entertaining them and it would be lovely, when out and about, if I could have a bit of a break from it all. I know here in Finland, that if I want a drink or the kids are hungry I can go to a cafe and relax. the kids (1 and 3) don't need me to be their entertainment and I don't need to drink my tea at the same lightening speed at which my kids drink their juice and then leave before they start getting restless. I can sit, relax, read the paper even all the while they are playing, not so much with the toys but with the other kids there.
On my last travels we had three flights, three different airports to wait in, pass hours of time and I spent so much energy entertaining them on the flight so that they were quiet for calm, that by the time we got to to the next airport I was exhausted and they, quite frankly, needed a place to run around and let off steam before then next.
I also agree that kids do need to learn how to change their behaviour to suit different situations, but I think at 1 and 3 they should be able to be children at the same time. There are different rules playing with the toys at restaurants than at home, rules about not causing so much destruction and mess, not breaking things, being mindful of other children etc, all things they need to learn. I just don't agree that at this young age they NEED to learn how to sit quietly at a table whilst bored out of their minds – as mine would no doubt. As they grow and naturally want to spend more time at the table, eating properly, not wanting to play with the toys so much, then they will learn about how to do that and behave in a manner more fitting for their age.
I just learned that in Finland the long distance trains have a play carriage for children! this is exactly the kind of thing I mean. how wonderful that they can have somewhere to go and let off steam rather than be cramped and bored having to be quiet and mindful of adults all the time. and in our supermarkets here, many trolleys have a play car attached to the front that the kids can sit in whilst you push the trolley around the supermarket. they are in public places, of course they have to behave to an extent – noise and manners and all that – but why not also make it fun?
Probably right, on both counts
How wonderful that you get to live and bring your son up in a place like that. I am ever grateful that my kids will grow up here in Finland rather than the UK
Like Foodie Mummy I'm an expat living in Ireland, but I would feel that kids have a better time of it here than in Britain – I visit regularly cos my family are based there. My kids play in the street, and where we go and what we do is restricted more by my middle child's wheelchair than anything else. In Britain I find that families are given the worst facilities – horrible food and horrible surroundings, whereas I bring my kids everywhere with me in Ireland. But certainly the idea of more play areas in airports and restaurants, and please also anywhere where you have to wait like clinics and hospitals would be fab!
I think it probably is unfriendly here. In NZ we tend to have a culture that is very accepting of kids eating out with parents (usually in cafes) and I can remember a playground at Auckland airport. Maybe Manchester Airport are concerned parents would dump their kids at the playground and jump on the next plane outta there?
Hi Sarah! I'm another Kiwi blogger, but I live in Hampshire now… I've just made the same comment about NZ ^^ I do think that NZ is a brilliant place to bring up kids, I genuinely do. x
I have to say, in part I agree with you. But on the other hand in restaurants I think children should learn good manners and to sit at the table quietly, they can join in conversation but not to the point of throwing tantrums. My mum would think nothing of taking us out of the restaurant and locking us in the car if we didn't behave in a restaurant, which we hated, but we learnt to behave well to the point when other people would comment on how nicely behaved we were. It meant mum felt she could take us out (to some really really nice places which wouldn't ever normally be considered child-friendly and trust us to behave. We were taught when and where were appropriate places to play and be children – my main memories of my childhood were roaming around the streets where we lived and we could go whereever just so long as we let mum know roughly where we were going and so long as we were back in time for tea. I have to say I would honestly bring my kids up with the same rules as she did with us, they have stood me in very good stead for my adult life (I'm only 27 btw). I think its great to have child-friendly places and attitude but I really do think that kids should learn from an early age, what is appropriate behaviour for different places. I'm not talking about stifling them or preventing them from being children, but I think manners and knowing how to behave in different situations are life skills.
P.S. Sorry about the long sentences and poor punctuation!
Europe's quite clued up on being child friendly and many countries in Europe are probably better than the UK. However I think the US and most of the rest of the world lags behind Europe in child friendliness. We don't do badly in this country
Great post, Heather. In our town, there's one (organic) cafe that has a family room, with play area. That's it. There are play parks and a soft-play place. But nothing specifically child-friendly in grown-up places. Most cafes have high-chairs. I think I may up sticks and come live over there. It sounds fantastic. I often feel uncomfortable at the amount of time Chris spends telling Rosemary to be quiet, sit still, not touch that, get back at the table. I grew up in a very lax household, I suppose, whereas he comes from a more traditional background. But even his mum sometimes has to remind him that Rosemary's 3, not 13! I tend to only be really firm about safety issues – crossing the road, climbing somewhere unsafe, etc. Then again, I'm probably over-paranoid about most of that.
It is a lot better than it used to be, but we still seem to have the vestiges of the 'children should be seen and not heard' culture. It's a real shame and something that should be addressed.
On the school issue – from the new parents' evening we attended last week, it seems that the first year at school is really all about play still and follows through from the play-based early years curriculum, only going further where the children are receptive to it. Which is reassuring.
It's very child friendly in my neck of the woods, which is one of the reasons I like living here so much. Lots of the cafes have toys and play areas, restaurants always bring you crayons and paper when you sit down. Most of the museums and galleries in London have fab things for children to do as well, so we are rarely stuck for somewhere to go if it's rainy. I've not really travelled with them much around the UK, so I can't speak for many other places. I do know that there are no playgrounds near where my in laws live because they're worried that they'll be vandalised. Which is ridiculous, why not trust people?
I love this post, Heather. When I visit the UK, I notice that it is not child-friendly. In much the same way as Ireland is not child-friendly. Even the Netherlands is more child friendly. One of the best family-friendly restaurants I ever ate in was in Holland; there was a separate room for the children to play in. They were supervised, there was a cartoon playing, a teenager reading a story and plenty of colouring and books for children to read/look at. The best bit, though, was a video-link from that room to the dining room. Every table had a TV within easy viewing distance, so the adults could keep an eye on their children. The children ordered, then went off to play. You went and got them when their starters arrived. No fidgeting at the table while they waited. Such a simple idea, and surely not that expensive to replicate elsewhere, but that restaurant was the only place I've ever seen it.
Asia is also very child-friendly. My children were always welcomed into restaurants with me – whatever the time of day or night.
Thanks for a great post.
Hazel
Yeah in some ways I think the UK is child-unfriendly! I love the relaxed attitude to children eating out in the evenings in Europe compared to here – I guess a lot of it is due to the warm weather and being able to sit outside but you rarely feel uncomfortable dining with small children in little tavernas in Greece – the same can't really be said for the little restaurants dotted around Sussex…
ha ha ha, maybe they were;)
I aghree that kids do need to learn to sit and be polite but I think we disagree about the ages at which they should be doing this and the extent to which it should be done. Mine are nearly 2 and nearly 4 and I think they are too young to be made to sit quietly and be good whilst waiting for food to be ordered/arrived/eaten/coffees drank/bill got and paid etc. i do expect them to sit and eat when their food is there but for the rest of the time it seems unfair to make them sit still when they could be enjoying themselves.
Could well be. This is really the first time I've travelled with kids so I couldn't comment on the rest of the world.
I think i am rather lax as well…I just don't see the point in making them miserable for the sake of form, you know? Come and live out here, it's brilliant!
Good to hear about the schools first year
It sounds like London is leaps and bounds ahead of the rest of the UK in this, how wonderful for you! Growing up visiting galleries and museums that are child friendly must be amazing!
I have absolutely nothing to base this on, but I would expect Holland to be prett child friendly for some reason. that restaurant sounds wonderful!
It's not so relaxed here. you couldn't take your kids to a restaurant at night without some serious hard stares and unfreindliness, but during the day it's not a problem. Do they have siestas? I think a lot of European countries that get hot and take the siesta tend to done later and include their kids in the evening stuff – I'm guessing because the children have had a 2 hour nap and so are still up and lively. In some ways it would be a wonderful culture to bring up children but in others it would drive me batty – not sure I could cope with them awake so late
England is shockingly child-unfriendly. My son and I are travelling longterm, and we're in Laos at the moment. It's a very poor country, so sod-all by way of designated “children's” things. But children play happily and at will in towns and villages, come into work with their mothers: they are, essentially, allowed to play. Not expected to behave, as you put it, like little adults…
wow, travelling with your kids sounds both exciting and terrifying! There really is something in the English mentality about children…perhaps it stretched back to the victorian age. It's something we really need to grow out of.
[...] noticed quite a few recent posts on the blogosphere about Child-UNfriendly England. On one post “Is England Child-Unfriendly” by the lovely Heather from NotesfromLapland, one of my favourite bloggers, pretty much all the [...]
Yes I agree that England is noticeably child-unfriendly compared with other countries. I wouldn’t say JUST England though, I’d extend it to other “Anglo-Saxon” countries: Scotland, Wales, Ireland, USA, Australia, New Zealand. The Victorians have left all of them, still to this day, with a culture that expects children to behave like adults. A large section of people in those countries (being half-Danish I proudly exclude myself!) would regard Finnish levels of child-friendliness as actually damaging to children, as preventing them from growing up properly. Of course, the exact opposite is true, but such is a the conservative nature of the Anglo-Saxon population!! It’s weird when you consider that England’s modern culture is almost entirely derived from German (Saxon), Norwegian (Viking) and French (Norman) influences.
We found on our trip to France this year how much easier life is with children there. Actually despite the language and culture barriers, it was easier to travel in France with children than in the UK. From the frequent toilet stops on the Autoroutes, the ride-on supermarket trolleys, to the clean swimming pools in the campsites and free hot showers on the beach. No wonder French children are calmer, and the parents less stressed! Scandinavian countries certainly excel in their awareness of children and families, I think partly it’s because they are much safer generally, so children don’t need to be protected as much. It’s also because they have better public transport and have designed their towns and road systems to make it safe for children to play outside. And lastly it’s because there is less of a gap between rich and poor, so that the societies are more homogeneous, and people are not so worried about allowing their children to come into contact with strangers.
In Japan, because crime is so low, you can see 8-year-old children navigating their way to school, riding trains and through Tokyo’s complex public transport system, ALL ALONE! It’s a virtuous circle. Because children can have the chance to get that much responsibility so young, and that much freedom, they feel more valued as part of society, and more desire want to follow its rules and less desire to rebel against them. So as teenagers, they don’t engage in anti-social behaviour, which makes crime lower, which allows f freedom and responsibility for the next generation of children growing up.
i’m a kid and you just have to accept it being pushed and shoved around. just remember our time will come(dont let children like myself have violent games/16′s to 18′s)
I decided to look up the subject on child unfriendly Britain when I was almost literally chucked off a bus. I had gone to kew gardens which is an easy option for me as its station to station on the overground and the stations involved have lifts (a problema as am sure you know that us with children under 3 have to face). Unfortunately, I needed to take a rail replacement. The TINY bus with only one set of doors arrived and people rushed on. I waited patiently to make sure everyone got on as it would have been inconsiderate of me to have tried before hand (a result of my mental conditioning). When the bus stopped to take on more passengers nobody wanted to move down the isle. I attempted to do it whilst others just stood there, when suddenly abuse came from left right and centre; I had run over their shoes, or ‘how can she come here with her buggy’ (I’d like to stress I have two under 3′s and this hiccup was not expected). I had explained that I did say excuse me (despite the driver asking passengers to move down and it was them who wouldn’t do so, but again, I was at fault even in my own eyes). The ‘lady’ had her earphones on but disputed whether or not there was music. To cut a long story short, she became physical and people started shouting at us. People screamed at me about the buggy, but no one, not even the driver, jumped in to say anything. It was humiliating, disturbing and deeply upsetting. All that was needed were pitchforks. I explained that I had been trying to make room for people who had been waiting for a while to get on because people wouldn’t move. The response was ‘so have we, for over an hour’ a white middle class man with what seems to have been with his wife and grandaughter. This was horrifying, but not the first instances of abuse I’ve had to endure. I was in the wrong for being there with the children and it was they’re entitlement to call me names, hurl abuse at me and even push and kick me. Sadly, I felt I was in the wrong because this was not the first time, but the first time that I cried in front of all the passengers.
Forgot to say, I found this article and it made me feel less sub-human for having decided to procreate. But really wanted to share my London story, have many more