Note From Lapland

Sometimes I Hate Being A Mother

Sometimes I hate being a mother.
Sometimes I don’t want to have to be,
Responsible,
And Selfless,
Sometimes I want to think only of me.

Sometimes I just don’t have the energy,
Fair heart
And level head,
Nor the endless reserves of patience.
Sometime I just wish they would all disappear.

I wish I could spend my days in freedom,
No cooking,
Chasing endlessly
No more repetitive questions
No more explaining over again.

Sometimes I wish they would all just vanish,
Leave me alone
Leave me free.
Sometimes I just don’t want to be aiti
I want to think only of me.

Sometimes I resent being mummy,
Wonder if I did the right thing.
Should I ever have had children
Was it ever meant to be?

Sometimes I don’t want to be a mother.
I want to lie down and quietly dream,
Conjure
And imagine
The life that could have been.