If You Want To Slag Me Off
I’m sick to bleeding death of the passive aggressive rants* and accusations I keep reading on blogs. You know, the ones that go along the lines
‘Somebody, I won’t tell you who because I’m nice like that, has done something horrific, of which I wont give you any real details just skirt around the issue, giving you the bare bones so that it a. sounds way more interesting than it really is and will have you all begging me via email to tell you the details and will keep you coming back to the blog in hope of tasty updates and b. makes me out to be a blameless victim so you’ll all heap sympathy on my door and pander to my giant ego.’
There are three things that spring to my mind every time I read one of these.
1. Is this simply a ploy for attention and sympathy or did it really happen? Cause honestly, if you can’t give me any more than a flimsy sketch of a story, my bullshit radar is beeping.
2. Why the hell do you think it’s okay to talk about it in this passive aggressive manner in a public forum? Surely, if it’s fit for public consumption then names, details and blog links should be added so we can make our own mind up and if it isn’t then perhaps you shouldn’t be writing about it on your blog.
3. Details damn it, details. As a blog reader I’m a voyeur, a sneaky peeping Tom peering into the smeared windows of your life. I’m nosy God damn it, and these half tales of wrong doing and self righteousness piss me off in the extreme. If you can’t give me all the details, don’t give me any of it.
But you know what really pisses me off about them is the lack of respect for the person they are talking about. If anyone ever writes one of these about me, I’m going to be seriously annoyed. If you’re going to slag me off, at least have the decency to do it right.
First of all, as a blogger, I am obviously a huge egomaniac and there’s no such thing as bad publicity, right, so ffs link to me and use my name. Not just my name but my blog name. And link to the post that upset you. And several of my other posts. With a critique. And my twitter account.
Secondly, the least you can do if you are going to blog about me is give me some right of reply, some way of putting my side of the story across, defending myself. Which a post with my name in it would do because even if I didn’t read it I’m sure someone would get in touch and be all like ‘Heather, what the fuck did you to this for, bitch?’ and then I’d find out about it and it’d all be good cause I could comment with my point of view on the whole thing. And I’d be fine with that. Seriously, if I piss you off so much you feel the need to write a blog post about it, I don’t mind. I get that not everyone likes me and I don’t care. But if you do at least put my f-ing name in it, because if you don’t and I find out, I’m going to come and out myself in your comments anyway and be all ‘hey this post is about me and s/he was far too much of a chicken ass shit to actually put my name in there, so come over here and read my side.’ Which, unless I really have been a complete arse (not completely out of the question), will make you look like a tit for not just saying what it was about in the first place.
But thirdly, and much more seriously, I’d hope if you actually got upset about something I’d written, said or done, you’d come and talk to me first and let me know, not just write a slamming blog post about it. Obviously I don’t expect you to fly to Lapland to do that, although that would be cool, we could go the bar, get pissed and have a drunken brawl then make up with a big sloppy kiss and sing badly on the karaoke. Or, you know, failing that, you could email me, comment on my blog, tweet me, message me on Facebook, stick a message in a bottle** whatever. And, as I rarely go out of my way to upset people, I’d probably be mortified to receive it and find out what it was I’d done and would be nothing but apologetic and try to make amends.
What do you reckon, is it fair to write about people without using names and details or have I got it wrong entirely and it’s the other way around?
*I was going to link to a few of them here, not wanting to be a hypocrite***, but 3 of the ones I was going to link to have disapeared and it didn’t seem fair to link to the 2 remaining posts as it would seem as though I was picking on them in particular, but I’m sure you’ve seen enough of them to know what I’m going on about.
**that one is admittedly less likely to get you a reply than the others but you could give it a go if you wanted. You’d need to send it in the direction of the Baltic Sea.
*** Does that make this a passive aggressive rant? *Hangs head in shame*
I'm Heather, an ex expat, now back in blighty and living in Lancashire. Which is just like Lapland only less snowy...and stuff.
I seem to be oblivious to all of this happening…..great rant by the way! Hope you are ok?
X
Me? I’m fine. And you must have seen them, there have been so many of them of late it seems. Not that they stay up for long generally, just long enough to get some attention and sympathy…or maybe I’m a just a cynical old cow…
I have no idea what your going on about but your funny as fuck!!!!
ack! it’s not one post in particular but a whole heap of them. I wish I could link to some but it doesn’t seem fair when of the original ones i was thinking about there were only 2 left. Didn’t want to seem like i was picking on people, you know. Damn it.
And thank you
That made me smile this morning….
*runs off to write a post slagging you off and saying how much this post has upset me – it’s OK though, I’ll remember to link to you*
as long as you link
Ya Fruit Loop! I feel a bit ripped off cause I haven’t seen any of these post. If you do decide to link do let us know!!
well the main ones have all been removed, and a couple of extra ones i was going to throw in to make up numbers are still there but it hardly seems fair pointing out the smaller ones alone….
For fuck’s sake Heather, stop skirting around the issue and tell us what you really think. Details woman, details….
I know. I’m such a looser. sigh.
I had no idea these posts existed either! Don’t think I’ll write one tho: didn’t like the reaction to putting a critical comment on a blog recently, really felt that only positive comments were wanted..
Or maybe grumbling like this is exactly what you’re talking about? *hangs head in shame*
pmsl.
tbh i’m totally uncomfortable with both. In my eyes there are two options – put up with it and move on, or speak to the person directly. Personally i usually do the latter as i find it difficult to let go. I don’t like reading personal rants about an individual on public blogs full stop. *quickly checks blog to make sure i’ve never done it, after all i do like a rant*
M2M
I would rather of course that someone spoke to me first, at least tried to work it out. and if they didn’t think that was enough then at least have the good grace to give all the details etc. I dunno, maybe i’m odd, but i’d much rather they did it all out in the open than in a sneaky passive aggressive kinda way.
I promise that if you wind me up I will come to Lapland (or somewhere near) to have said brawl and sloppy kiss!!
BNM
Awsome! *thinks of ways to wind up BNM*
I’m in the dark about what you’re writing about but I defend your right to write it! I’m assuming some bloggers slagged off your blog without naming you or the blog but it was obvious who they were targeting? (So that rules me out!) Was this a sour-grapes response to you winning that blog award? (Which should have been mine, you stole it from me, unfair, rant, rant; oh, you say I wasn’t even nominated? Nitpicker).
Anyway, if you have any more trouble with nasty bloggers just let me know and I’ll send out my heavies from Paris to sort it.
No, not at all. If someone had written something like this about me then I would have called them out. but I’ll bare the Parisian heavies in mind for future, you know, just in case…
I agree with you. But to be honest I am too much of egomaniac to give oxygen and profile to people who piss me off. Plus I am lover not a fighter – or I would prefer to be if at all possible.
Egomaniacs unite!
High five sister!!
Have no fear, if ever you piss me off I’ll be on the first plane out to Lapland and asking you to step outside so we can sort it out like real men. Or I’ll probably just sue you.
But seriously… this is a fantastic post. In over 600 posts I have never seen fit to slag off another blog or blogger. Which is not to say I haven’t had flaming rows with some bloggers in my comments box because I have. I’m much rather have a proper dialogue with someone – writing a post about it without giving all the facts (another word for details) seems cowardly, unfair and a cheap way to get some attention. I’m not that much of a media whore.
Now. Are you gonna step outside or am I gonna have to come in there and drag you out?
Tell you what, if you fly all the way out to Lapland, I’ll let you drag me, just so you can feel all manly and stuff
Now that’s true charity.
Just the kinda girl i am
Sometimes a good rant on one’s blog is all the steam that is needed, though. I have in the past ranted in this way (not about other bloggers, granted) and then taken the post down .359 seconds later. This one time, back in ’05, a stalker alerted the subject of my passive aggression and quick-smart, that person read the post apparently before I could remove it. Bad move on my part, for then I was also branded a coward.
People really ought to be mindful that ranting in this way that you say is not good for the soul. Or credibility. I completely agree with you, by the way Heather. I have seen the error of my ways (from 5 years ago) and don’t play this sort of trickery with either my ego or others’ emotions. Certainly not in the blogosphere. The world is too small for that ;P
It’s so easy to forget other peoples emotions and feelings in the het up fury while typing away, isn’t it?
Agreed, the world is too small for that
I ranted about my son once on my personal blog, and then felt so guilty about it I removed it quickly. It’s easy to do when you feel strongly about something. I’d never do it about another blogger – for me it’s a case of ‘do unto others….’
I must admit though, you look at some blog posts of that kind, and wonder whether it really happened that way or whether it’s just a lot of attention seeking. Whatever it is, it seems to work – those posts get lots of comments!
They certainly do, which must be part of the draw, surely.
Yes that makes it a passive aggressive rant. You are doing exactly what you are moaning about and saying openly that you are doesn’t change the fact. If you don’t like a blog and what they are saying then just don’t read it that day. Easy!!
No, it’s not. In this case, we all know the kind of thing, linking to the examples is unnecessary. (Except it would make sure that the ppl posting the rants knew what everyone else thought about it all, even the smaller ones.)
I’ve no idea whether I’ve seen the rants in question, I just read and move on, and as I was away one night this week, it’s entirely possible I didn’t. Problem with this kind of thing is that it changes the atmosphere behind the scenes, and pointing out that words can hurt, particularly words that you can’t grapple with as they aren’t specifically directed at you, is entirely valid imv.
there have been a few over the last couple of months, I wasn’t really wanting to point out any in particular.
To be faced with this kind of underhand attack, well, I’m not really sure how I’d feel, sick probably, pissed off no doubt, full of self doubt and worry most likely. It must really knock your confidence. I honestly think I’d feel much better if people were direct with me, allowed me my own say if they felt they had to blog about it at all.
There’s bugger all passive about this post! One of the main features of passive aggressive behaviour is displaying a calculated helplessness, “woe is me can you believe this happened my intergrity won’t ALLOW me to share it with you but believe me I have been so victimised’ when the writer feels anything but victimised and is staging their attack in such a way that makes it all but impossible to disagree with them.
If only it were as simple as not reading what we don’t like… when people’s reputations and livelihoods are being threatened by the behaviour of a select few it cannot be ignored, we lessen ourselves if we simply turn a blind eye.
It’s a common phrase in the blogosphere, this ‘simply don’t read if you don’t like it’ phrase, and I think it entirely valid in many cases but I agree, I don’t think that’s the case here.
It is that intent of playing the victim and turning others against that really gets my goat with this passive aggressive shit.
When I was a child I didn’t tolerate being bullied – I always stood up for myself quite successfully. I was also able to convince myself that by not taking part in any bullying I was morally superior to my so called friends who did. When I was a CHILD.
I’m no longer a child and despite my behaviour when I was young being explainable – it doesn’t mean I still think it was acceptable. In fact I am utterly ashamed that I stood back, didn’t look and ignored the appalling behaviour of girls who considered me one of their crowd. I am quite disgusted that I did not stand up for others in the way I was so able to stand up for myself.
It’s with a mixture of pride and regret that I witness my own daughter being the person I wish I had been. She doesn’t tolerate anyone being bullied. She makes my heart soar
it’s easy to say don’t read but what about the person they are writing about, this is what I’m trying to get at. what about their feelings, about their side of the story, how do they deal with being attacked and yet not being to defend themselves because it’s a passive aggressive attack. Or worse, not knowing about it for ages until way after everyone else has read it and feeling judged and vilified? It’s not a nice thing surely?
Whether this is a passive aggressive rant or not, I’m not sure. I’m not having a dig at anyone in particular, there are plenty of these posts out there, but linking to them seemed a bit small minded in this case, a bit mean and unnecessary. As most people have read the kind of post of which I’m writing they don’t need me pointing them at other posts so they can go pass judgement over there, It wouldn’t have been nice.
At least that’s my opinion. And you, of course, are entitled to yours
Completely agree with you, Heather. I was shocked that some of them even appeared where they did. I’m like you – I’d like to know if I’ve pissed someone off, and I’d like to think if someone pissed me off, I’d approach them privately and sort it out. I don’t do passive aggressive by and large. It winds me up a treat.
I almost don’t mind if people want to write a straight out blog post about how horrible I am as long as they do it honestly, use my name etc. lol
I am tempted just to write a thinly veiled post slagging you off to:
1. test that you’ll do all of the above
2.Fly over to Finland to get pissed, brawl and do some karaoke
Sounds cool! do it!
I agree to a certain extent. However because I am intrinsically a nosy mare I want names and details. Sketchy posts are annoying because then I’ll go out of my way to find out names and motives to usually be a bit disappointed…. and I’ll be like ‘oh, is that it?’
I should probably get a life, or watch Eastenders or something…
Getting a life is way over rated
And besides, didn’t they just burn Eastenders down or something?
Who? Where? When? What did I miss?
F*cking ‘ell, Heather. Keep me in the loop, will ya?
*returns to own bubble*
LCM x
Bah, get with the program woman!
Meh – I thought this was an invitation.
Oh it totally is!
Haha. Love that so many people say they have no idea what you’re talking about – just goes to show nobody’s reading those pissy posts. And then, in another desperate plea for attention they take the posts down so you can’t even link. Silly fools! Think of all the traffic they could have recieved over this!
I am 100% in agreement with you and certainly will not go and write a post slagging you off – indirectly – over this.
Strangely enough, when I named names in my Nutella post hardly anyone responded or cared they’d be mentioned, and they’re all still talking to me. What?! We can be adults?!!? Who knew?!!?!?
wow, that’s quite something! I suspect is was to do with the sheer number of crap mummy bloggers, myself included, that you linked to.- It’a hard to take offence when a. it’s true and b. it’s not just you but everyone being called out! lol
Oooo not just an invitation to slag you off, but also instructions on how to do it right! See this is MY kind of post ;o)
I’m bored of it all. Despite “outside” posts that have appeared on my blog, if it’s anything relating to me I’m always keen that people understand that if I have issue with them, a) they’ll know about it, b) if you have a question then just ASK (speculation sucks ass) and c) I’m having much more fun giving away vibrators and eating bacon.
I’m not sure C is a valid point, but I just HAD to say it. And also, is groping involved with the sloppy kissing? I feel it necessary.
Control freak much? Moi? Never!
But whatever you do, don’t get it wrong! pmsl
And groping I guess depends on how big the brawl was. Bigger the fight, bigger the make up afterwards. We’d have to be careful or we’d end up having full on makeup sex.
Make up sex works for me. Can Dildo Bob watch?
You are right Jay – speculation sucks ass – how about I ask some of the questions that a lot of us are speculating over and maybe you can answer them?
In August you published a Blogonymous post that slagged off The MADS organiser full of hints and innuendo as to why the author had withdrawn from The MADS Awards. You have since removed this post.
Before it was removed there were comments from Tara Cain, Laura Driver, Linda Jones, Erica Douglas and Becky (Englishmum*) stating that they had ALSO withdrawn from The MADS for the same unspoken reason as the author, as well as from Liz Jarvis who had withdrawn as a judge.
You were one of the other finalists that withdrew.
Much of the initial speculation around that post was whether the whole Blogonymous panel had read and authorised it for posting. Am I right in believing that each post submitted for Blogonymous goes before either some or all of the Blogonymous “panel” and you agree if a post is OK to go ahead?
1. Did that happen?
After so many of those who had withdrawn from The MADS commented saying “me too” the speculation shifted to who wrote the original post. It’s not a long list so at least half of the speculation was directed at you having written it yourself.
2. Did you write it?
There’s also speculation that some people withdrew from The MADS in an attempt to sabotage it for the rest of us…. that they didn’t contact Sally about withdrawing…. that they wrote directly to Butlins and each and every sponsor, more than once and using practically identical wordings. This would contradict any claims that you all withdrew quietly since writing to all the sponsors cannot be construed as anything but a co-ordinated attack on the event itself.
3. Is this how you withdrew? By writing to all the sponsors?
I appreciate you cannot speak on behalf of the others but I think your answers should help clear up a lot of the speculation and I for one am pleased that you have said it’s OK to “just ASK”.
*edited by Heather to remove surname at request of person mentioned.
This comment has been edited by Heather on request.
No, I did not comment to say I had withdrawn for the saem reason and I said I didn’t want to comment and could we draw a line under it as I ddin’t want to be slagged off in the following comments. I said I wanted no part of a conversation peppered with the words “bitch” and “sabotage”. All this nonsense makes me pretty sad to be honest. I’d be grateful if you didn’t write things about me that aren’t true.
Fair enough Linda – it’s been deleted so I’m having to go on my recall. Thank you for correcting that- it is fair to say that you commented in such a way that made it clear you were not the original poster – that OK?
Since my name has been mentioned here I hope you will give me the right to reply. I withdrew from the MADs for several reasons. However, when I resigned (which I did to the other judges out of courtesy) I did not detail my reasons; my email was brief and I wished everyone the best of luck with the event. I simply felt professionally and personally unable to support the event. At no point did I try to sabotage the event, as lots of my friends were still involved, it was a personal decision and the organiser is fully aware of why I took it. At the same time I also withdrew from a panel at Cybermummy. I feel absolutely no need to explain any of the decisions I made to anyone who isn’t directly involved.
Thanks Liz – I think since the original post and all the comments have been deleted it’s leaving nothing BUT speculation and rumour behind so any dialogue entered into honestly and openly can only be a good thing.
So you resigned to the other judges… not the sponsors? I for one am glad to hear that since writing to the sponsors really would have been an act of sabotage. I can’t think why anyone would do that unless it was to persuade sponsors to withdraw from the event too. That would have been a real blow and it would have impacted on so many people… people like me who’d paid for flights and wouldn’t get a refund if it had all gone pear-shaped.
Thank you for commenting Liz, and thank you for being open and frank. So if emails were sent, you weren’t one of the people behind them. What about the anonymous blog post? did that have anything to do with you?
I can confirm that Liz was asked to consider whether she felt it was appropriate for her to be involved with the MAD Awards.
She subsequently emailed the judges and lead sponsor to announce she would not be involved, and that email was copied to me.
Sorry I feel like my hand is being forced here. Regarding Sally Whittle’s comments below (or above, never sure how this commenting system is going to work) – I did not resign from the MADs judging because she emailed me and asked me if was appropriate for me to remain a judge, which implies that I resigned because she asked me to! I was already considering resigning before that. Subsequent events made my mind up. The primary reason for my resignation was because I didn’t want to work with, or be associated with Sally Whittle in any capacity, professional or personal, and she is fully aware of that.
I can assure you that the only reason the lead sponsor was emailed was because he was also a judge, but in any event I did not detail any of my reasons for resigning from the event, I was very polite and respectful and wished everyone good luck, and as the judge in question subsequently asked me if I wanted to do some work for him I am secure in the knowledge that he did not think there was anything strange about my decision to resign and that everything was very amicable.
And to be honest I didn’t imagine for one second that my resigning would have any impact whatsoever on the MADs – I’m not that much of an egomaniac – because I knew how much the awards meant to a lot of bloggers I have the deepest respect for I would never have wanted to ruin their event which is why I kept my resignation as low key as possible. I just made the decision that was right for me.
I think most people know enough of me to know I wouldn’t write an anonymous blog post unless it was about something that was directly related to my family. The only reason I haven’t gone into public detail is because I have tried to be as professional as possible about this whole matter. But anyone could have asked me at any time why I had resigned (had they been interested!) and I would have told them the truth, I’m a very honest and open person.
And that’s really all I want to say. Thanks for giving me opportunity to reply.
IMHO if any of you had any sense of solidarity you would suck up your personal opinions, look at the bigger picture and support each other. This is what a man would do. All of this resigning, door slamming and hair pulling is the reason women are divided. It’s just saddens me to read this because really who cares about the detail – we all agree that you shouldn’t abuse children, that murder is wrong. It was an awards ceremony to celebrate an emerging culture and to try and give it some credibility. It should have been supported because that was in the best interest of the community. There is nothing professional about these replies. Seriously, we should support each other because we have enough to contend with from the outside without poisoning the inside too.
Yeah I def can’t speak for the others, it’s not fair and I wouldn’t want to either; my mouth is big enough already I reckon ;o) I can honestly say the post was removed for legal reasons. Added to that, quite frankly, I’d had enough of shit being on my blog. I didn’t comment (and rarely comment on blog posts anyway) because I had nothing to say; I had withdrawn ages ago, wished everyone the best of luck, expressed that I was grateful to have made it that far and that was the end of that.
Now, answers to your questions:
1. No! We’re still learning an awful lot and there have been plenty of things happening that are helping us fine tune Blognonymous, this being one of them. Other Blognonymous posts went up on other posts but the team never saw them until published. Currently posts are read by the rest of the team (still anonymously). There are lots of other changes happening, because trying to make the service the best we can. It’s a learning curve innit?
2. Nope I didn’t write the post. Funnily enough at the time no one asked me if I’d written it! I really didn’t mind answering questions cos like I said, speculation sucks ass.
3. I wrote to sponsors and judges to cover myself, with NO intentions to sabotage. I’ve got nothing to gain from that and more interesting things in life to be getting on with! I don’t know what others said in their emails or who they wrote to OR when they sent them. They had their reasons, I had mine. I don’t know about “co-ordinated attack”; if there was one then (as ever) no one told me about it!!
Right…I think that’s about it…can Dildo Bob and I get back to the beach now? I’m bored of all of this and there’s a sand covered ice-cream with my name on it. Mwah.
HERE HERE!
I have always believed in honesty being the best policy! Yes its got me into trouble in the past but there you go. Its far better being honest and saying X has pissed me off because they did X than just beating around the bush! Its pointless and rude and to be honest disrespectful in my opinion.
If your going to bitch about someone have the decency to name and shame them.
At least if you are honest you can stand up and say things as they are, you don’t need to hide behind all the bullshit stuff, eh?
Just caught up with all the comments here. Woah. Explains alot of recent twitterings.
Being at the forefront of alot of the bitchniness at the moment and alot of people being exceptionally passive agressive about it pisses me right off.
I dont understand why people find it so hard to just be honest. It would make life simpler. The fact of the matter is we wont all get along in life and we will all have different opinions. Accept it. Move on. Simple.
H,
I hear you. An occasional rant is okay but in general it is a negative way of blogging. It is negative humor and there is a world of bad news out there. I would rather read about something. Something positive, something about the blogger, thoughts etc not the rant. I am with you on this one. Doreen
Cheers Doreen. Also, i love that you called me H, it’s my favourite nickname. although if you’d heard the others you probably wouldn’t be surprised why that was my favourite… ho hum
This is so well written and captures exactly the sort of thing. Though did I tell you how much you pissed me off winning that award and all and how I even had to present it to you and yes it should have been mine! Now….where when shall I meet you in Lapland. And be warned I’m bloody good at Karaoke!
oh really? I’m epically shit at karaoke! But pour enough wine into me and I’ll have a go anyway. That’s right, I’ve got no pride. but you knew that already, eh?
This post made me laugh. Then cheer. Just a bit.
I’ve been subjected to a few classic passive-aggressive rants since I started blogging. Almost none of which use my name, which means responding is like trying to fight a shadow. There’s no point even trying.
What I will say is – I try not to dirty people’s reputations if I can help it. Because what goes around comes around. In spades. Huge, great, shiny, spades.
It’s interesting just how far some of it goes. I’ve seen one of the ones directed at you, the anonymous one, I think most people did before it was taken down, and there was very little attempt to disguise the fact that they were talking about you and yet they wouldn’t mention a name. Petty, cowardly nonsense. and yeah, how do you come back at something like that? You just can’t, can you, not really?
It’s not that you don’t respond at all. You just have to be honest and professional and respectful and trust that the people who matter have their bullshit detectors turned on.
I’ve never been interested in ‘outing’ or ‘naming and shaming’ those who have tried to bully or sabotage me – it’s just not my style. I’m not interested in writing passive aggressive nonsense of the sort that has appeared on certain other blogs. It’s pathetic, it’s the hallmark of a coward and a bully, and I choose to be better than that.
Having said that, if anyone ever reads a post they suspect is about me, you can always ask me what it’s about. The email address is right there on my blog. Just because I’m not blogging it doesn’t mean it’s a secret or anything I’m ashamed of. I just have a little class.
I seem to be oblivious to everything that is going on but I have been acting like a passive aggresive b*tch with my mom lately, so does that count? Maybe these posts about all about me and my bad behavior? Did my mom write them?
Truth be told, I’d be happy to write a post slagging you off (and I promise I will pimp it out on twitter and FB etc etc cuz I know you love that sh*t) just so we could have a drunken brawl followed by a sloppy kiss to make up. You’re my kinda girl, Heather. Mwah!
Yeah, your mum emailed me this post. Me and your mum are like that *crosses two fingers* and she’s told me all about you, you passive aggressive biatch, you!
We don’t have to have the brawl if you don’t want…just the kissing and stuff is fine. Good to see you putting my social bookmarking lessons to good use
I agree with Missy M, I am just going to bitch about you so I can have a brawl in lapland and do karaoke.
I am aware of this going on. Don’t really get it. Isn’t the whole point of blogging to write what you want and get stuff off your chest? So a) should be able to say pretty much what you like and b) if you don’t like it that’s what the comments are for. I have enough politics to deal with at work without it being here in my happy place. speaking of which somebody must have REALLY pissed you off to get you ranting. You are always lovely either in your blogs or your comments. Do you want me to hunt them down.. i’ll take @cosmicgirlie, we’ll have some bacon and coffee and do serious damage xxxx
Sure writing about what you want is one thing, but writing thinly veiled posts slagging others off can’t be right, can it?
No one in particular has pissed me off, just getting fed up of all these kind of posts. You and @cosmicgirlie together would be a force to be reckoned with, i’m sure
From everything I’ve heard the only thing I am left certain about is that not everyone is telling the truth. So whilst yes I agree, people should be able to say pretty much what they like, if I find I am being lied to it bothers me. A lot. And I want to know. I have a real fundamental issue with dishonesty. I naturally trust people, I take everyone I meet at face value and make my own mind about them without interference from others. And right here and now I have made a mistake with regards my trust and judgement and yes it bothers me!
I guess it would be nice to walk away from this community and not care.
I guess it would be nice to stick around in this community and not care.
Neither option is particularly attractive. Unfortunately I do care.
Two things:
1. My windows are NOT smeary. How can you possibly comment without ever having seen them? Blatent hypocrisy, if you ask me…
2. This post is NOT about you, never was, and never will be…http://bringingupcharlie.co.uk/that-heather-lapland-and-her-bloody-notes-from-sunderland-the-truth/
Tim, I’ve so google earthered you and those windows? Smeary as hell!
And second. Well, I hope you linked!
Hi there. Great post and well written. I really am the ultimate voyeur cos I’d love to do a blog but I just don’t have time but I do enjoy reading others. Except when it goes a bit ‘playground’ and it all seems a bit childish. But the majority of blogs are great as they are brave enough to really say directly what they think and it starts a conversation which is interesting to read. Just my tiny penniesworth. X
And a worthy pennies worth it is
Blogs are a great insight into peoples lives, aren’t they? I only wish I had time to read all the ones I want to.
Who just clicked that link?
pmsl
No passive aggression from me then, I’ll be direct. And I write this with the upmost respect for you and your blog Heather, you’re a great writer. I’m actually sick of posts about blogging. There have been so many recently and many of them end up with sniping in the comments which adds to the political wrangling in the blogging world which I personally can’t be bothered with. I’ve written posts about blogging myself in the past, these sorts of posts always get lots of views and comments and I think some people write deliberately provocative posts about blogging for attention (I’m not suggesting you’re doing this here btw). It would be great if more people could get on with their brilliant and entertaining and thought-provoking posts and forget about the who wrote what when why and how. Yawn… Personally I’m going to stop reading and commenting on them from now on. To someone who stumbles across a blog from the ‘outside’ world they must wonder what it’s all about. So hope you don’t mind me being direct and one day I hope to meet you for drunken karaoke x
Emily, you can always be as direct as you wish here, i believe we can all get a long without having to agree on everything so don’t worry about that.
Yes of course these kind of posts get written to garner attention and views, but then to be completely honest, i write all my posts in the hope of garnering attention and views. I am an egomaniac after all
there is an interesting post here about herd control by kellogsville where she talks about controlling people by ignoring their bad actions and praising their good http://kelloggsville.blogspot.com/2010/09/herd-control.html which relates somewhat to the not reading and not commenting on them. if everybody did that then i’m sure they wouldn’t get written.
I always seem to let these things go over my head, and by the time I find out a link to what’s going on, half of it is gone! Pain in the butt! I’m a blogger, therefore I’m NOSEY! I wanna know *exactly* what’s been said and why!
In other words… awesome post!
lol, it’s true though, me too. If you can only give half a story i’d rather have nothing. i’m too nosy for that to be enough
I have no class and neither does Heather…sorry mate but you know it’s true
She called me a wassock. Or is it wassack?
Whichever, no class whatsoever
A nice clear criticism of the passive aggressive crap you see all to often on blogs. This page has been linked on the Rule Hibernia Thumbs Up at http://rulehibernia.com/rh-thumbs-up/
Thank you very much
I’m just gonna stay over here in my passive aggressive bubble avoiding bloggers like the plague
Can’t say I’ve ever noticed any slagging off posts regardless of whether people have named and shamed or not, personally I couldn’t give a toss either way! Even if anything was about me.
Now there’s an attitude to have! *runs off to write that bitchy post about Dawn*
I have a post up at the moment (Social Engagement) that mentions my annoyance about how comments are moderated, stemming from a comment I tried to leave on another blog which was never displayed. There was no reason to link to the blog because (IMHO) it wasn’t important enough.
Replying to the Blognonymous questions from Mrs W. Yes, I know that Jay has already responded to them but I would also like to reiterate that we are most definitely on a learning curve and after that post, ALL posts are put before the panel before they go live. We are also not accepting posts that are obviously linked to public arguments or defamation.
I’m pleased to hear that Nickie. Blognonymous is such a fab idea for people to get support for sensitive issues, it would be a real shame if it just became another tool to ‘say what you think without really saying what you think’.
nickie, if it wasn’t important enough to be honest about who you were writing about why was it important enough to blog about? and do you think that if the person that made this mistake read it they would be okay with it or would they fell hurt that you didn’t just ask them about it? Assuming that you didn’t…
You know what they say, Heather, you can take the girl from the north…
I’d much rather someone said things to my face or not at all too. I have to admit, some of the posts leave me squirming with embarrassment for the author. The trouble is, because it’s all hints and innuendo, you never know really if the post is justified and it just leaves an air of general dis-trust.
I think it’s a shame that there is dis-harmony in Blogland, because there is room for everyone, but I’m not surprised, I’ve seen enough online forums blow up in similar ways, and have long since decided that it doesn’t take much for some women to go back to the playground.
I’m always baffled when I read the posts, because everyone I chat to seems lovely. There is so much talent around, and I’d hate to think of people being put off of blogging by the kind of posts you describe.
I imagine that the sort of people that write them are the sort that don’t say things to people’s faces in RL either, I doubt it’s purely a blogland thing. Trouble is that in blogland the person being slated is quite likely to read it…
Agreed, it is a big place, infinitly large, you’d think that would be big enough, huh? lol
The difference is, IRL, if someone slags you off behind you’re back, you’re not likely to hear what they’re saying. This is like someone talking about you while you’re in the same room but not giving you the right to reply.
apologies for the schoolgirl you’re your error. Eek.
Agreed
Another great blog post! I don’t think I’ve ever written a post which slags off another blogger, I wouldn’t dare, I’m too chicken! But seriously, I do agree with you; people shouldn’t blog if all they’re doing is trying to get sympathy votes, attention and voice their opinion about another blogger whom they’re not prepared to name but are prepared to rip to shreds. I have read many posts which do but I try to keep my comment as impartial as I possibly can, or not bother commenting at all. The blog world is a great place to be and slagging others off, in my book, doesn’t gain any friends, readers, followers or indeed positivity.
By the way, I think you’re great and I’d never slag you off!!
CJ xx
I read a great posts about herd control, which basically says that if we didn’t comment at all, if we just ignored the post that they would likely stop for lack of attention.
http://kelloggsville.blogspot.com/2010/09/herd-control.html
Gulp…I was drawn to read this punchy post via Kellogsville and have been wide eyed and legless (wasn’t that a song from my youth in the late 60′s?)at all the banter. This would make a great play about bloggers actually……hmmm! My idea first!
I’ve never slagged off another blogger, what is the point?Life’s too short. I’m going back into my little bubble!
Life is too short indeed. And a great play idea!
Steve @ Bloggertropolis linked to this on his blog and it struck a nerve. I’ve been the subject of a lot of nastiness from another blogger who has been little short of a cyberstalker for a few years now. It started when we both lived in France, got worse when parts of my French blog were published in a national newspaper and continues to this day. The man is a total coward, never having the guts to say who he’s talking about, hiding behind a stupid fictional story he writes from time to time in which I appear as a very unsympathetic character yada, yada, yada. What a tosser! I can almost feel his seething jealousy. No idea what all the other stuff is about but this is a great post.
Geez, really? A stalker? that’s not nice and rather worrying. I hate bullies and they are always cowards, wont stand up in public and say these things. they are just like the idiot kids at school except this time hiding behind their computer screens rather than their friends.
Thank you
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