Monkey P0rn

Okay, not monkeys, apes.  Bonobos to be precise.  The ape that never stops having sex.   Or at least they certainly do it a lot and with everyone but their male sons, it seems.   Bonobos are our closest living relatives (us as in the human race, that is, not my family), are bisexual, the only other mamals that have sex face to face and they nororiously spend a lot of their day having sex or mastrubating with various members of their community.

Thanks to the playful and entertaining @readilyaparent (and if you’re not following her on Twitter you’re missing out on a treat…and a lot of conversations that always seem to end up being about sex) I’ve learnt a lot about bonobos recently, including the fact that watching them having sex makes human females somewhat hot under the collar.

In 2005, Meredith Chivers, a Canadian psych professor, took a bunch of male and female volunteers, wired their private parts up to some electronics equipment and showed them some sexual scenes, trying to work out what it is that turns men and women on.

They were shown several sexual images and videos; videos of heterosexual sex, male and female homosexual sex, a man masturbating, a woman masturbating, a chiseled man walking naked on a beach and a well-toned woman doing calisthenics in the nude and bonobos having sex, whilst reclining on lazyboy recliners in private rooms (the volunteers not the bonobos).

For the men it was pretty straight forward. Straight men fancied women, gay men fancied men, their electronic equipment confirmed this. For the women though, everything was turn on; men, women and chimps. ‘They showed, on the whole, strong and swift genital arousal when the screen offered men with men, women with women and women with men. They responded objectively much more to the exercising woman than to the strolling man, and their blood flow rose quickly — and markedly, though to a lesser degree than during all the human scenes except the footage of the ambling, strapping man — as they watched the apes.’

Read the full article in the New York Times

Not convinced that a video of chimps getting it on is going to do anything for you? Have a watch and see. I’ll admit it worked for me. Not in a I-want-to-run-off-and-get-me-some-hot-monkey-lovin’ kinda way, but it certainly got me feeling turned on.

What about you, do the apes do anything for you?

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32 Responses to Monkey P0rn

  1. I can’t look. It’s 4.19pm in the afternoon and I’m worried about the effects of the video. Will save it for a less family friendly time slot. :-)

  2. Steve says:

    Am rushing out to get the best of David Attenborough right now…

  3. notSupermum says:

    Oh Heather, you make me laugh! The first video is hilarious.

  4. Yeah, I ‘get’ the second video: shakin’ that arse, baby, shakin’ that arse…

    Hmmm.

    Sorry, Need to find the ‘on’ button.

    LCM x

  5. My God, you are disgusting, I am never coming here again. Such filth.

  6. goonerjamie says:

    There must be something wrong with me because it’s only made me want to climb a tree and eat a banana. And I don’t even like bananas?

    • Heather says:

      only works on women, apparently. And other bonobos, one must presume. I guess this makes you officially neither. That must be a load off…

  7. Dara says:

    How the heck did I get roped into this discussion?
    Heather, really, I think you’re weird and offensive. Please stop stalking me and talking about #monkeyporn on Twitter.

    • Heather says:

      A frankly pathetic attempt to rewrite history that’s as see through as a white Primark top in a rainstorm. And of course you think I’m weird and offensive, it’s why you love me so much you want to lick me all over like a giant ice cream.

      If I stopped stalking you on twitter your life would be a hollow and empty place, and I just couldn’t bring that much misery on one person. It wouldn’t be fair.

  8. Marylin says:

    Honestly, I can’t stop laughing at their butts! Nothing turn-ony-ish for me with the monkeys, but I do prefer a lil girl on girl porn to straight stuff, even though I wouldn’t ever go with another woman! ;)

  9. MrsW says:

    Good gawd no! And I consider myself quite a porn connoisseur. Maybe I’m numbed by it all – good gawd no!!!!

  10. Heather, you are a filthy pervert and I am never visiting your site again. But before I leave, tell me again where was it I can see more of that footage? In the name of science alone, of course.

  11. I can’t comment due to a heightened state of arousal. Just talking Monkey makes me cum. *whoops* “I am sorry I have just cum’ ….and again and again. I am off to read the posts on pants to make it stop.

    • Heather says:

      And look at the mess you’ve made! I hope you’re going to come back and clean that up! that was come not cum, by the way…

  12. Nataliya says:

    I think that’s one of my ex’s in the 2nd video, very similar teeth.

    THAT does nothing for me except scare the crap out of me. seriously women got turned on by this? I’m scared of those women.

  13. Kim says:

    Those monkeys are living the life! The moves from that monkey right at the end of that second video…whoa!

    Once you go Bonobo…

  14. wont to get monkey porn unstulied

  15. toyStory says:

    heather you r soo cool i like u a lot

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