Note From Lapland

An Appeal For Help

When I read Katy’s heartbreaking story about her best friend, Michelle, it brought tears to my eyes. I’ve invited Katy to tell her story here today, hoping that she can find some more people to help her.

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My best friend’s son, Keelan, was born just before Christmas. I remember her calling me with the news, delighted he would be with them for Christmas, equally pleased that the birth had been routine. Keelan had a bit of a cold, but nothing to worry about. I thought about what I should get him as a christening present.

A few weeks later I was at the doctor’s. I bumped into Michelle in the waiting room. She was there with Keelan. He still had a cold. She told me that she had visited several times already. We commiserated over the fact that children seem to be forever full of sniffles over the winter months.

That was the last time I saw Keelan.

One Sunday night in late January Michelle called me. I was really pleased to hear from her, hoping that we might finally be able to meet up with the children as we had been planning and failing to do for months.

Her voice wobbled, as I asked her how she was, and she said: ‘I’m calling you because I didn’t want you to hear the news from anyone else. I wanted to be the first one to tell you, because you’re my friend, and you deserve to hear it from me.’ There was a huge pause, and then she said, with a breaking sob: ‘My baby boy died on Friday.’

It felt like someone had sucked all the air out of the room. I’d never understood until that day, quite how true that phrase actually is.

I was stunned, disbelieving and incredibly sad, all at once.

I also remember thinking in a split second: ‘This. This is true friendship. When someone puts their own pain, their own hurt aside for a moment and thinks of someone else, even when that pain must be worse than anything you can imagine.’

I felt honoured, truly honoured.

My question about what kind of a friendship we had was answered in that single phone call.

Keelan had died in Michelle’s arms after a feed, in the blink of an eye, and nothing she nor the hospital could do saved his life.

Since that time Michelle has been through hell. Losing a child is the worst thing any parent can imagine. I know it is a cliché, but it is one because it is true, and there really is no better way of putting it.

That savage, wild, all encompassing love you feel for your child when he or she is born means that the pain of their loss can drive you to insanity.

I’m pretty sure that’s what it would do to me.

Michelle though, is a strong woman. She stays strong and sane for her remaining children, despite the fact that she feels that still being here is somehow a betrayal of Keelan. She stays strong despite the fact that the coroner has now found that the doctors were remiss in not noticing that Keelan was ill, even though Michelle took him to the doctors sixteen times in the five weeks he was alive. She stays strong despite knowing that if the doctors had taken her seriously Keelan would almost certainly still be here today.

I am in awe of this strength.

It is this courage which has caused her to use what she is going through to try and help others who are in, or who one day might be in the same situation as herself. Instead of letting her grief eat away at her, she is using it to create positive change. She is fund raising for the Foundation for the Study of Infant Deaths (FSID), to give something back to those who have reached out to help her.

When she was at her lowest ebb, Michelle thought of me. She thought of my feelings and tried to assuage them.

Now I am trying to help her, by getting other people to think about her, and what she has been through, and how they can help.

On Saturday May 14th in Leicester we will be walking a Mile in Memory of Keelan Bambrick Webster. We will also be raising money for FSID to help other people who are suffering some of the worst grief imaginable.

On that day, Keelan’s family and friends will also come together to celebrate his short, beautiful and entirely precious life. We will try to put aside our sadness and remember the joy that greeted his birth and the happiness he brought to so many people’s lives. We will remember other babies who left us too soon, and we will give thanks and celebrate with the children we have left, who make our lives so rich in so many ways.

Heather invited me to tell this story because I need your help to help Michelle. You can help in any one of a number of ways, all of which would be gratefully received and used with thanks and love.

You can donate money at my Just Giving Page. http://www.justgiving.com/Katy-Wheatley No amount is too small. It will all be put to good use.

You can donate prizes for a raffle we are holding on the day of the walk. Anything you would be willing to buy a raffle ticket for yourself is fantastic. We have everything from books signed by famous authors to hand crafted items from Etsy wizards. It is all brilliant. There is always room for more.

You can spread the word via blog links, or twitter, or just telling people you know.

You can turn up on the day and support us with your smiles, your friendship and your willingness to walk about in what will undoubtedly be a soggy, English park.

You can pray for Michelle, Keelan and her family during this, the worst of times, and hold them in your heart and thoughts.

Whatever you can do, will be perfect.

Whatever you can do, will make a difference. I promise.

Just by reading this, you already have made a difference.

You can contact me via the comments on Heather’s blog, and she will pass all personal details on to me via e-mail. Or if you drop a message in my comments box at www.katyboo1.wordpress.com I will be sure to get back to you.

Thank you.