Ritual Humiliation in Finland
Nothing says raging alcoholic quite like the clink, clink, clink of empties rattling together in your shopping bag, does it?
And thanks to the Finnish obsession with recycling and the fact that our wheely bin only gets emptied once a month, hauling a couple of carrier bags full of empties through the village is a monthly* ritual humiliation I get to partake in. One, as you can no doubt guess, that I look forward to with glee.
In Finland we have little machines in supermarkets in which to deposit your empty wine and beer bottles and cans. The idea is that they put a little extra on the price of the beer and wine that you buy and then, when you return your bottles, you get that money back. I may have written about them before, I may even have extolled their virtue in keeping the planet clean and forcing people to recycle. I was clearly going through a non-drinking phase. I may well have been pregnant. It’s the only reason I can think of for such outrageous behaviour.
Naturally, they don’t keep these machines around the back of the shop out of the way, oh no. In the large supermarkets they are in the foyer, where everybody entering and leaving can see you posting bottle after bottle into the big red machine whilst all the bells and whistles go off and a large neon sign flashes the words ‘raging alcoholic’ above your head.
In our tiny village shop they don’t need the bells, whistles and flashing neon lights. The cunning positioning of the machine and subsequent jungle drums do a much better job.
The machine is in the aisle next to the till, visible from the door but only accessible by clinking your empties through the entire shop, wafting that appealing aroma of stale beer behind you just in case any people hard of hearing didn’t notice you come in.
But dragging the clinging bags past so many accusative stares is only half the fun. Next you get to feed the bottles into the machine, delving your hand further and further into the sticky, stinking bag whilst trying and failing to not let any of your clothing touch the inside of it.
The machine of course will periodically spit one of your bottles back out at you for reasons known only to itself whilst beeping loudly and flashing some warning at you that probably says ‘please stop drinking, you beer soaked slattern’. Which allows the old dears pushing their shopping past you to tut some more and give you a disapproving stare.
Finally, you get all the bottles and cans posted into the machine, chuck the stinking carrier bags in the rubbish and wipe at your sticky hands with a paper towel. It’s time to collect your hard earned reward.
Receipt in stale-beer soaked hand you join the queue at the till whilst everyone else gasps and holds their breath against the stench, shaking their heads at someone smelling so strongly of alcohol at this time of the morning. Shooting you a knowing look, the lady behind the till hands over your money, all 5€ of it, and you hurry out of the door, tripping and stumbling in your haste, looking and smelling for all the world like the drunkard the entire village will no doubt soon hear that you are.
It’s enough to drive you to drink.
*yes I could do it more often but I can’t work out which would make me look less like the lush I am: going frequently or hauling a full load monthly. That and I’m lazy.
I'm Heather, an ex expat, now back in blighty and living in Lancashire. Which is just like Lapland... only less snowy and stuff.
I would be forced to build a new house out of bottles to avoid the humiliation!!!
oooh, now there’s an idea. We could have a new house built in no time…
Our recycling is collected every friday morning and you could hear ours getting dumped from streets away….
Every Friday? They obviously heard you were moving in and changed the policy to weekly
Ha! We also have to dispose of our own rubbish (not just recycling the whole shebang) so I purposely used to spread the love err… bottles around the village so as not to arouse suspicion. Ah those were the days….. wine…wine…wine… I miss thee!
All your rubbish? that’s a faf isn’t it?
Solution: buy your drinks by the barrel and cut out glass altogether.
I have started getting wine by the box…that way I can just burn the evidence and no-one (read: t’husband) can see inside to see how much I’ve drunk.
I wish the UK would reintroduce deposit bottles and cans; might mean a bit less crap left scattered in the streets and countryside.
Have you ever considered rinsing the bottles before you bag them?
They don’t have them any more? Is this because they have the recycling bins wheely bins instead?
I know I *could* rinse them. But, well, I don’t. Laziness really. Which of course I regret instantly when I get to the bottle machine
Hilarious – but what does everyone else do? Don’t they all have bottles to dispose of?
You don’t often see people using the one in the local shop actually. Maybe everyone else drives theirs to the city to be a little more anonymous…
Surely they know that you are English and that excessive drinking is part of your heritage!
I blame everything on my Englishness. It’s a bit like a get out of jail free card
Oh you should see the ones in Quebec. They need at least 3 in each store to keep up with the demand. I’ve seen people unloading from their pick-up trucks.
You’d fit right in…
Fantastic. I’m coming over!
This sounds like a job I’d get someone else to do…
You are obviously much smarter/more manipulative then me. I always seem to plump for the job. although that’s probably fair enough given that I generate most of the empties
Heather, I think you are mistaken in your analysis of the villagers’ views. Those are not disapproving gasps, but actually gasps of admiration. This is Finland after all.
Actually, I think you may have a point…I could be a local hero and I don’t even realise it
Well, since they all know your a lush now, there is no sense in not living up to the reputation. I say start a sing-a-long while you are disposing of the evidence.
You have a good point! I’ll start a rendition of 200 bottles of beer on the wall next time I’m there!
I have been known to take bottles down to the recycling point in town to avoid the shame of overflowing recycling boxes and the neighbours talking… Obviously only after enormous parties. Obviously
Obviously *raises eyebrow*
Hi Heather..
I was about to say, then noticed that Olli had already said it.. no, no, no.. you are in Finland! This is something most Finns would admire you for – you are fitting in!
It’s quite true though! Our bottles are mainly fizzies.. so they don’t clang.. and I think we get more looks for it not being alcoholic!
Personally, I think it’s a great idea for recycling. It is a shame it is not in the UK. I would miss it if I went anywhere else.
IF you are looking for a housebulding idea.. I actually had a bottle house option on my Facebook recently. Here is the link though.. http://inspirationgreen.org/plastic-bottle-homes.html
Of course, in other nations, it would be a seriously free build.. but here, we would be just be remembering in an irksome way, that each bottle cost us flipping 40 senttia a plakky bottle and 10 senttia for glass!
If I do ever move to Spain or Mexico the knowledge will come in handy though!
Oh my god, you committed the heinous crime of having more plastics than glass? There’ll be talk, you know!
Olli and you both have a point. I have clearly been looking at it all the wrong way. As I said above I may consider starting a rendition of 200 bottles of beer on the wall the next time I’m posting my empties. Or Perhaps counting them outloud as I post them, maybe set up a tally with the locals and who ever brings back the most in a month wins a prize…
I love those pictures of plastic bottle houses. The green houses are clever – I wonder how they would hold up under snow…
Although it may just be cheaper to actually buy a greenhouse – 40c a bottle is quite pricey.
We have the same machines here.
Lucky for us, in our community there is a place you can drop it off by a charity and they recycle and get the money.
And why isn’t your hubby returning them???
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