My Camping Demands

I can’t believe I even went the first time, let alone took the kids. I certainly find it hard to believe we did it again. Twice.

And, bearing in mind that the last time we went we threw away our old tent – so many holes had been eaten in the roof that it was as useful as a colander at keeping us dry, – I seriously can’t believe we are thinking about doing it again.


With two kids.

And a dog.

And a Dan.

I’ve clearly abandoned any small vestige of sanity I’d managed to retain.

But before I will even consider it this year, I have two demands.

1. A proper decent tent. Something like this ought to do it.

2. Dan does all the cooking.

Cause me and that there gas stove do not get on. At all. Seriously, how long does it take just to boil enough water for a brew in a morning? And as for attempting to make an actual meal – pffft, I don’t think it’s even possible. Our camping meals have a horrible tendency to go much more along these lines than anything close to Delia Smith loveliness.

  1. Chop all ingredients with a butter knife cause you forgot to bring a sharp knife.
  2. Knock most of ingredients on to muddy grass cause the fold up table you are trying to use is the size of a postage stamp
  3. Find, pick up and wash all vegetable pieces.
  4. Repeat steps 1-4 with meat.
  5. Dig olive oil container out of basket.
  6. Mop up all the spilled olive oil from the basket and glare at the now empty container.
  7. Use butter.
  8. Fry onions.
  9. Throw burnt onions away
  10. Repeat 1-4 for onions
  11. Sod it all to hell and throw everything in the pot at once.
  12. Leave for 6 hours.
  13. Despair at how everything can STILL be raw even though it’s been cooking for 6 hours.
  14. Realise your gas ran out ages ago.
  15. Throw everything away
  16. Find car keys
  17. Wipe olive oil off car keys
  18. Drive to McDonalds

13 Comments on My Camping Demands

  1. Misssy M
    February 1, 2013 at 4:17 pm (3 years ago)

    Come to Scotland! We have amazing weather! *


  2. Karen Hannah
    February 1, 2013 at 4:48 pm (3 years ago)

    We LOVE camping and we go every year but I will not, I repeat NOT, go without an electric hook up. Tis the future. (and you can take kettle, toaster, little fridge, LAPTOP and so much more!)

  3. Dumdad
    February 1, 2013 at 4:49 pm (3 years ago)

    Last time I went camping was when I did the Duke of Edinburgh award scheme and had to survive in the Kent countryside (wild jungle, as you know) for two nights. My party of four managed to get lost and ate all the food on the first day. Happy days. Not.

  4. Dumdad
    February 1, 2013 at 4:49 pm (3 years ago)

    Oh, and I was 16 at the time so at least 20 years ago (!)

  5. Peggy
    February 1, 2013 at 5:34 pm (3 years ago)

    Camping is my idea of hell… I have managed to avoid it until now but I am not sure it will last much longer… I am with you regarding the type of tent that is acceptable, that one above just about does it. Is there an ensuite too?

  6. lrene
    February 1, 2013 at 6:52 pm (3 years ago)

    I tried this once with small children – soon discovered Eurocamp.

  7. Midlife Singlemum
    February 1, 2013 at 9:21 pm (3 years ago)

    I loved camping as a child but now the thought of it is not appealing at all. I’m wondering how my DD is going to get her wonderful camping memories. Hmmm want an extra 4yo? She’s really no trouble at all.

  8. Gigi
    February 2, 2013 at 2:59 am (3 years ago)

    Even with that lovely tent, I can’t bear the thought of camping. For me camping involves reservations.

  9. Mrs Worthington
    February 2, 2013 at 10:30 am (3 years ago)

    I have a love/ hate relationship with camping. I fall in love with idea, do it, then swear ill never do it again, wait 3-4 years for memory to fade and repeat cycle. Next camping trip is due in 2016 on this basis

  10. Mrs Teepot
    February 2, 2013 at 9:49 pm (3 years ago)

    I’m not a tent person! I’m barely a caravan person, have you tried a caravan? Might be a bit better!

  11. EmmaK
    February 4, 2013 at 8:44 pm (3 years ago)

    Camping is bollocks! And not the dog’s bollocks either. The main problems are:
    1. how are you meant to make coffee in the wildnerness? yeah I know you can do it but it is complicated
    2. you have to pee in bushes and they have poison ivy here which can do dreadful things to your privates
    3. I can’t sleep in a tent
    4. even with an air mattress
    5. I hate the thought of bears coming to get me
    Yeah it’s glamping for me all the way

  12. Leisure Kings
    February 5, 2013 at 3:00 pm (3 years ago)

    That tent looks fantastic! Would love to stay in that.

  13. Russell Glazner
    April 9, 2013 at 3:04 pm (3 years ago)

    Choosing a tent for camping is the first task for any camping trip. What type of weather conditions are you expecting? Always be prepared for the worst, rain, wind, and cold. There are three season and four season tents available. Four season tents are heavier than three season tents. They tend to have more poles than three season tents to help them withstand wind and snow fall. Of course, most of us are fair weather campers. A three season tent will be fine for us. So, now, what style of tent do you want?’

    Freshest piece of writing on our web page


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